Time for a Boycott: USAirways

USAirways is a horrible airline. There're no two ways about it and it is now painfully clear to me why they are in bankruptcy (it was clear to me before from prior experiences -- only now is it painfully clear). I know not many people read this blog, but for those of you that do, I encourage you to avoid them like the plague.

Without getting into details (they're boring), USAir managed to get me into Montreal five hours late last night. Had I been a lemming, and followed the advice of their ticket agents, I'd be getting into Montreal at 3pm today. My flight was cancelled and they put everyone on a flight tomorrow INSTEAD OF THE FLIGHT LEAVING 3 HOURS LATER. How they thought this would be the best solution, I have no idea. Luckily, I was able to get on the later flight over the phone. Of course, by doing so, the ticket agent decided to cancel my flight back from Montreal, so I'm stuck here. That's now been rectified though, so don't worry.

Sorry to ramble. I don't know if that even made sense. If you take anything away from this post, it should be don't fly USAirways. If it's your only choice, rent a car, take a train, bus, anything. It is a terrible airline and deserves to go out of business.

Also, Montreal (what I've seen of it) seems to be pretty cool. I'll go explore now (that I'm off the phone with USAir (which took over an hour (roaming charges too (assholes (USAir, not Verizon))))).

Of Cheese, Status, Mobility, and Power

I said it once, I'll say it again, I really love cheese. I would love to some day be part-owner in a restaurant and hold the title of maitre de fromage. What an honor. Does that make me a cheeseophile? Is that even a word?

For those of you who share my intense yearning for cheese, you'll be glad to know that cheese isn't just a culinary delight, it's a symbol of one's wealth and power (as is, I suppose, using pretentious, impersonal, objective pronouns such as "one's"). According to this article by San Francisco magazine:

“Illegal cheese is a status symbol,” says Jesse. “If you can bring a fresh raw milk brie or camembert to the table, it says something about your wealth and mobility.” I need to be saying things about my wealth and mobility. I need to speak loudly and carry some strong cheese. I need a dealer.

Clearly, then, I need an illegal cheese dealer. Not just for the cheese itself, but for the power and status associated with it. With a dealer, one day the following passage could, with some luck, dreams, and hard work, apropos to me:

Those with the right connections get invited to illegal-cheese parties, like one recently thrown by a San Francisco lawyer who agreed to speak on the condition of anonymity. He tells me he smuggled a wheel of époisses on his way back from vacationing in Vienna. He wrapped the cheese tightly in plastic, buried it in his checked luggage, and invited his 20 most important friends over for an illicit-cheese party. “People looked at me a little differently after that,” he says. “There was more respect—a little bit of a ‘He’s not just a lawyer, he’s a wild cheese smuggler’ type of thing.”

So, if anyone has any illegal cheese they'd like to hook me up with, you know how to reach me. I'd love to be referred to as "not just a lawyer, [but] a wild cheese smuggler."*

*I am not, of course, asking for illegal cheese contributions nor connections to underground, cheese-smuggling ruffians. As much as I love cheese, I love the law more, and would never defile my good name for a marvelous piece of brie. Would I?

Je Ne Sais Quoi

On Thursday I'm leaving for my annual mid(late?)-summer international trip. Unfortunately, this year I won't be going to Iceland, Scotland, England, etc., etc., etc., for a month like I did last year (sadly, it will be a long time before I ever get to take a trip like that again, if ever). Rather, I'm going to Montreal for the weekend. Of course, I'll be sure to try and take some lovely pictures to share with all of you, but first, you have to share something with me....

Tell me about Montreal. Have any of you been there? What should I do? Where do I have to eat? What do I have to see? I know one of you has a favorite strip club I should visit. I've never been there, but from what I've heard, it's a wonderful city. Unfortunately, I only have three full days to see it. So NegativeModers, tell me what I gots to see. Thanks kiddies!

Freestyle Friday

It's been a while since I've talked about the greatest rap duo of all time, Camp Lo. Well, in preparation for their upcoming album, they've created a new website: www.camp-lo.com. I strongly encourage you to check it out. They are the best. Period. PositiveMode can back me up on this.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, well, peep this. It's gold, Jerry, GOLD!

A Pants Conundrum

This past weekend I bought a new pair of pants from Abercrombie & Fitch. Generally, I'm not a very big fan of that store. It's not that I don't like their merchandise (I do), it's just that I'm too old to wear it. If I were a millionaire (or billionaire) playboy, and didn't have to wear nice clothes, I'd wear A&F gear all the time (I do wear their shorts whenever it so happens that I'm wearing shorts). As it is, I can't wear the destroyed rags they sell to work. Also, the music they play in the store is way too loud. It's louder than a lot of clubs, which is just crazy when you're shopping for clothes. Whatever, that's not the point.

The point is that the pants I purchased this past weekend smell really, really nice. I'm not sure why I even smelled them in the first place, but when I took them out of the bag, I did, and boy was that a fine scent. Now I'm torn. Do I wear the pants, hoping that, through the transitive property, I somehow acquire such a pleasant smell? Doing so will almost certainly cause the pants to lose their scent. So do I just keep the pants in my drawer, taking them out only to smell them for brief periods of time? I'm not sure. I know that if I were single, I'd wait until I went to a really nice strip club to wear the pants. The goal being, of course, to get the hottest stripper to smell my awesome smelling pants. Naturally, that would lead to, hopefully, my pants on her floor. I'm not single though, so I'm really in a bind.

I guess I'll just keep the pants in my drawer, smelling them periodically until fall, when it's cooler out and I'll need said pants at my disposal. Any one of you is welcome to stop by and smell my pants if you don't believe me, but trust me, they smell great.

Date Lab - Minnetonkian Edition

I wouldn't be doing my job as a blogger and a friend if I didn't use this space to call attention to this article in yesterday's Washington Post Magazine. It seems my former long-time roommate, Mr. Eric McNett, has been playing the Post's version of Blind Date. I don't have too much to say about the actual article, other than it was exceedingly funny to open the paper and randomly find it (classy, classy picture too). "I love ... making people comfortable." What the hell does that mean?

Anyway, if the Washington Post's Date Lab isn't really your thing, here's an excellent "interview" with Eminem by Weird Al. Here's a question, will Weird Al ever not be funny? I don't think so. Enjoy (thanks, as always, You Tube).

Potato Chip Update

Apparently there's a new flavor of Pringles on the market: crack. According to this article by News 8 Austin (with picture), police recently seized crack-cocaine disguised as potato chips from a man. The guy actually formed the crack into Pringles-looking potato chips and put them in a Pringles can. Pretty damn ingenious if you ask me. I have no idea how the police knew that this guy's Pringles were actually crack. Unfortuantely, I haven't yet had a chance to review this particular new flavor of Pringles. Review coming shortly....

And speaking of crack, I highly recommend FX's new show It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (I said "speaking of crack" because the 3rd episode featured two of the main characters becoming crackheads). It's very, very funny and, because it's on FX and after ten, they can swear, which makes for better TV, I think. Anyway, check it out tonight at 10pm on FX, I don't think you'll be dissapointed (maybe you will be, but I don't really care).

Potato Chip Diaries

I really like potato chips. In fact, they are my favorite snack food, by far. I'm its hereditary, or genetic, or something of that ilk ("ilk is used way too much these days, but that is neither here nor there), but I have nothing to prove that. Anyway, I have recently tried two new (to me) flavors of potato chips, so, being the connoisseur that I am, I thought I'd review them for you.



The first were Pizzalicious Pringles. Terrible. I really like pizza-flavored snack foods -- pizza Combos for instance. The Pringles taste nothing like pizza, real or artificial (not that the Combos do, but they're good). They taste more like . . . I don't know. I just ate one and I can't adequately describe it. Sort of like sweet, yet rancid, powdered milk mixed with salt and paprika. That sounds about right. Let's just say that they aren't good. I suggest you steer clear. (Here's a review from taquitos.net, a snack review website, although their reviews aren't very informative).


Next were Utz Carolina Style BBQ chips. I have to start off by saying I may be slightly biased, as Utz are my favorite brand of potato chip by far. In fact, if I were stuck with only one snack food for the rest of my life, I'd choose regular Utz chips. Anyway, the Carolina BBQ chips are fantastic. They taste like a mix of salt and vinegar chips and bbq chips. Really, really good. Sort of like eating a mild salt and vinegar chip and then putting a bbq one in your mouth. Good stuff and highly recommended. (The taquitos.net review)

That does it for this installment of potato chip reviews. If I taste any more new ones, I'll be sure to let all of you know. Seacrest out.