Hello From Punta Cana

Good day all. Mia and I are in the Dominican Republic. Normally, on a honeymoon, I doubt one would blog. However, seeing as how I love you all, I´m taking a break from the love-making to blog. Not really. I needed to check something on the internet and you can only purchase internet usage in 1/2 hour increments. Thus, now that I have finished my business (setting up a deep sea Marling-fishing expedition), Mia and I have 20 internet minutes to kill.

Accordingly, I will tell you about Punta Cana. First, the keyboard is exceedingly difficult to use. Second only, I´d say, to Iceland. Second, it is hot as balls. Something like 90 degrees but 354% humidity. This is okay, because the pool here is over 400 meters. More of a lagoon, really. Also there is an ocean, or a sea, I´m not sure. I think the sea, but don´t hold me to that. Third, I am somewhat drunk. Seeing as how this is all inclusive, beer and liquor being included, one is compelled to indulge in said indulgences. Fourth, I´m sick of sitting here trying to use up internet time. Instead, I´ll write a limerick:

There once was a man from Punta Cana,
who really enjoyed Punta Cana.
He went to the beach,
And really enjoyed the beach,
And afterward said, "I like Punta Cana."

That´s for you PostiveMode. Seacrest out.

P.S. From the new Mrs. Negativemode: Matt really cannot go a day without posting...even somewhat shitfaced.
P.P.S. I really can go a day without posting, as you all well know. As I said before, we have 20 minutes to kill.

P.P.P.S. We are going to the bar (says Mrs. NegativeMode). Later suckers.

Sorry Ladies, NegativeMode is Spoken For

Well, I'm married now. I'd love to post pictures of the wife (wife!) and I, but I don't have any right now. Instead, I'll post a picture of PositiveMode and I looking quite dapper.


Also, I have to apoligize, but I won't be posting again until next week, as I'm headed to the Dominican Republic for my honeymoon. I'll leave you with this link to the Princeton Review's top party schools for 2007.

Hu Flung Pu

For some reason I haven't been able to blog from my primary computer, hence, the lack up updates. I'm sorry. I can only imagine the disappointment you must feel when you open NegativeMode only to see the same post for days on end. Unfortunately, due to my pending nuptials, I haven't had any time to be creative and think of things to post. Really all I have time to do is think about thing I have to get ready or pick up or pay for. Regardless, here's a true story, from Reuters to amuse you:

BERLIN (Reuters) - Thieves in Germany stole 7,500 euros ($9,554) from a man by throwing feces at him from behind and then pick-pocketing him while they pretended to help clean up the mess, authorities said Monday.

After withdrawing 8,000 euros from a bank for a holiday the man was struck in the back of the neck by what he described as human feces, police in the central town of Giessen said.

"Immediately afterwards two large women came up to him from behind and claimed they had seen someone excreting down onto the street from above," police said in a statement.

The two women then began briskly wiping the filth from the man's clothing with paper towels they had with them. They were soon joined by a third man, who also came bearing paper towels.

Only when the man went to take his foul-smelling trousers to cleaners did he notice that 7,500 euros had been taken from his back pocket by one of the would-be helpers, police said.

Now that, my friends, is a quality robbery. And, if you're still bored, try this. The highest I've gotten is 20. Simple, but strangely addicting (I guess anything is when you're trying to kill time).

Doo Doo Pie

This is one of my favorite skits from SNL. I've never been able to find it on the web before today, so I thought I'd share it with you. Not only is it funny, but it's great to compare Britney from that skit (May 13, 2005) with Britney from today.

Borat

This is the trailer for the new Borat movie due out this fall (November 3, 2006). I truly can't wait.

The Flava of Love

Ok, disregard the post immediately below this one. I've found a show on TV that is even better than So You Think You Can Dance (although I'm still a big fan). While I said that SYTYCD is my favorite show of the summer, the new show might be my favorite show of all time. What show am I talking about? The Flava of Love of course (new shows 10pm Sundays on VH1). In a nut shell, the show is Flava Flav of Public Enemy fame dating various women who live in his house with him in a "the Bachelor" type format. Truly riviting television. You really gotta watch it to believe it. Last night was the premere of the second season (you can watch the entire first season here). We have truly reached the pinnacle of television with Flava of Love. I just can't see it getting any better. . . .

Errata

I'll admit it, my favorite show of the summer, by far, is So You Think You Can Dance. It's awesome and I love it. I don't care what you say about me, it rocks. I think I should have becomce a professional hip-hop dancer. There's still time. . . .

Also, I just smelled my pants again (I still haven't worn them (it's been way too hot)) and they still smell really nice. Maybe I'll get to wear them this weekend or something.

Stay cool.

Montreal Follow-Up

Well, Montreal, save the USAir debacle (get this, my flight home was also cancelled because they couldn't start the plane (seriously) and I was stuck in Montreal overnight and missed work. As I said before USAir is horrendous (customer service in particular)), was excellent. Very beautiful city, fun time, and great weather. The international fireworks competition finale happened to be on Saturday night, which was really amazing. I'll post some pictures of the trip this evening. That is all.

Time for a Boycott: USAirways

USAirways is a horrible airline. There're no two ways about it and it is now painfully clear to me why they are in bankruptcy (it was clear to me before from prior experiences -- only now is it painfully clear). I know not many people read this blog, but for those of you that do, I encourage you to avoid them like the plague.

Without getting into details (they're boring), USAir managed to get me into Montreal five hours late last night. Had I been a lemming, and followed the advice of their ticket agents, I'd be getting into Montreal at 3pm today. My flight was cancelled and they put everyone on a flight tomorrow INSTEAD OF THE FLIGHT LEAVING 3 HOURS LATER. How they thought this would be the best solution, I have no idea. Luckily, I was able to get on the later flight over the phone. Of course, by doing so, the ticket agent decided to cancel my flight back from Montreal, so I'm stuck here. That's now been rectified though, so don't worry.

Sorry to ramble. I don't know if that even made sense. If you take anything away from this post, it should be don't fly USAirways. If it's your only choice, rent a car, take a train, bus, anything. It is a terrible airline and deserves to go out of business.

Also, Montreal (what I've seen of it) seems to be pretty cool. I'll go explore now (that I'm off the phone with USAir (which took over an hour (roaming charges too (assholes (USAir, not Verizon))))).

Of Cheese, Status, Mobility, and Power

I said it once, I'll say it again, I really love cheese. I would love to some day be part-owner in a restaurant and hold the title of maitre de fromage. What an honor. Does that make me a cheeseophile? Is that even a word?

For those of you who share my intense yearning for cheese, you'll be glad to know that cheese isn't just a culinary delight, it's a symbol of one's wealth and power (as is, I suppose, using pretentious, impersonal, objective pronouns such as "one's"). According to this article by San Francisco magazine:

“Illegal cheese is a status symbol,” says Jesse. “If you can bring a fresh raw milk brie or camembert to the table, it says something about your wealth and mobility.” I need to be saying things about my wealth and mobility. I need to speak loudly and carry some strong cheese. I need a dealer.

Clearly, then, I need an illegal cheese dealer. Not just for the cheese itself, but for the power and status associated with it. With a dealer, one day the following passage could, with some luck, dreams, and hard work, apropos to me:

Those with the right connections get invited to illegal-cheese parties, like one recently thrown by a San Francisco lawyer who agreed to speak on the condition of anonymity. He tells me he smuggled a wheel of époisses on his way back from vacationing in Vienna. He wrapped the cheese tightly in plastic, buried it in his checked luggage, and invited his 20 most important friends over for an illicit-cheese party. “People looked at me a little differently after that,” he says. “There was more respect—a little bit of a ‘He’s not just a lawyer, he’s a wild cheese smuggler’ type of thing.”

So, if anyone has any illegal cheese they'd like to hook me up with, you know how to reach me. I'd love to be referred to as "not just a lawyer, [but] a wild cheese smuggler."*

*I am not, of course, asking for illegal cheese contributions nor connections to underground, cheese-smuggling ruffians. As much as I love cheese, I love the law more, and would never defile my good name for a marvelous piece of brie. Would I?

Je Ne Sais Quoi

On Thursday I'm leaving for my annual mid(late?)-summer international trip. Unfortunately, this year I won't be going to Iceland, Scotland, England, etc., etc., etc., for a month like I did last year (sadly, it will be a long time before I ever get to take a trip like that again, if ever). Rather, I'm going to Montreal for the weekend. Of course, I'll be sure to try and take some lovely pictures to share with all of you, but first, you have to share something with me....

Tell me about Montreal. Have any of you been there? What should I do? Where do I have to eat? What do I have to see? I know one of you has a favorite strip club I should visit. I've never been there, but from what I've heard, it's a wonderful city. Unfortunately, I only have three full days to see it. So NegativeModers, tell me what I gots to see. Thanks kiddies!

Freestyle Friday

It's been a while since I've talked about the greatest rap duo of all time, Camp Lo. Well, in preparation for their upcoming album, they've created a new website: www.camp-lo.com. I strongly encourage you to check it out. They are the best. Period. PositiveMode can back me up on this.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, well, peep this. It's gold, Jerry, GOLD!

A Pants Conundrum

This past weekend I bought a new pair of pants from Abercrombie & Fitch. Generally, I'm not a very big fan of that store. It's not that I don't like their merchandise (I do), it's just that I'm too old to wear it. If I were a millionaire (or billionaire) playboy, and didn't have to wear nice clothes, I'd wear A&F gear all the time (I do wear their shorts whenever it so happens that I'm wearing shorts). As it is, I can't wear the destroyed rags they sell to work. Also, the music they play in the store is way too loud. It's louder than a lot of clubs, which is just crazy when you're shopping for clothes. Whatever, that's not the point.

The point is that the pants I purchased this past weekend smell really, really nice. I'm not sure why I even smelled them in the first place, but when I took them out of the bag, I did, and boy was that a fine scent. Now I'm torn. Do I wear the pants, hoping that, through the transitive property, I somehow acquire such a pleasant smell? Doing so will almost certainly cause the pants to lose their scent. So do I just keep the pants in my drawer, taking them out only to smell them for brief periods of time? I'm not sure. I know that if I were single, I'd wait until I went to a really nice strip club to wear the pants. The goal being, of course, to get the hottest stripper to smell my awesome smelling pants. Naturally, that would lead to, hopefully, my pants on her floor. I'm not single though, so I'm really in a bind.

I guess I'll just keep the pants in my drawer, smelling them periodically until fall, when it's cooler out and I'll need said pants at my disposal. Any one of you is welcome to stop by and smell my pants if you don't believe me, but trust me, they smell great.

Date Lab - Minnetonkian Edition

I wouldn't be doing my job as a blogger and a friend if I didn't use this space to call attention to this article in yesterday's Washington Post Magazine. It seems my former long-time roommate, Mr. Eric McNett, has been playing the Post's version of Blind Date. I don't have too much to say about the actual article, other than it was exceedingly funny to open the paper and randomly find it (classy, classy picture too). "I love ... making people comfortable." What the hell does that mean?

Anyway, if the Washington Post's Date Lab isn't really your thing, here's an excellent "interview" with Eminem by Weird Al. Here's a question, will Weird Al ever not be funny? I don't think so. Enjoy (thanks, as always, You Tube).

Potato Chip Update

Apparently there's a new flavor of Pringles on the market: crack. According to this article by News 8 Austin (with picture), police recently seized crack-cocaine disguised as potato chips from a man. The guy actually formed the crack into Pringles-looking potato chips and put them in a Pringles can. Pretty damn ingenious if you ask me. I have no idea how the police knew that this guy's Pringles were actually crack. Unfortuantely, I haven't yet had a chance to review this particular new flavor of Pringles. Review coming shortly....

And speaking of crack, I highly recommend FX's new show It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (I said "speaking of crack" because the 3rd episode featured two of the main characters becoming crackheads). It's very, very funny and, because it's on FX and after ten, they can swear, which makes for better TV, I think. Anyway, check it out tonight at 10pm on FX, I don't think you'll be dissapointed (maybe you will be, but I don't really care).