Holy Moly!

I have more paper clips than I know what to do with! Life is good.

A Question For the Fellas

Does any one else find it extremely frustrating when you really have to pee, but when you go to the urinal and unzip, you find that your boxers (or other undies, I suppose) and pants are askew, thus forcing you to fumble around to find the hole in the boxers and line it up with the hole in the pants so you can free your John Thomas for urination?

I do.

Ridin' the Rails

Perhaps in this space I have previously mentioned a hobo and/or the murder thereof. Said topic has always interested me. As such, here is a brief video of Rep. Ingersol's (R-SC) detailed House Report on his recent killing of a hobo. Enjoy:


Public Airings 74907-C, Rep. Ingersol's Murder Of A Hobo

Across the Pond

Why is it that most voice-over announcers for beauty product (e.g. make-up, shampoo, moisturizer, etc.) commercials are British women (or at least women speaking with a British accent)? It seems fairly prevalent, but I don't see a reason for it. British women aren't necessarily more beautiful than other women, are they? Maybe Americans feel that British women really know their beauty products.

On an unrelated, but still British note, I think there should be a show where Simon Cowell and Gordon Ramsey deride each other and generally act smarmy for a half hour. I'd like that.

Let's Rearrange

It would be much more aesthetically pleasing if the grocery store was organized by color instead of food-type. When I say color, I'm talking about the color of the packaging if there is any or, if not, the color of the food. For example, bananas would be in the yellow aisle (although non-ripe bananas would be in the green aisle). Kraft Mac n Cheese would be in the blue aisle.

I think it would make the most sense if the colors were arranged the same as the rainbow from left to right, so violet/purple would be to the left of the grocery store and reds would be to the right of the store. It would be more enjoyable for both the people who work at the store and those of us visiting the store. Of course, it may be next to impossible to find anything, but that's the price you pay for aesthetics.

I'm going to talk to may local grocery store manager and I'd encourage you to do the same.

An Update on Old Thinking: Celebrations

I think it's time that we change the way we celebrate life's major milestones. Wait, that's not exactly accurate. I think it's time we change the way we measure life's major milestones. I don't really care how you choose to celebrate them. What I'm getting at it this:

When we're young children, babies, our parents measure our age in terms of months, i.e., "Little Spartacus is 18 months old." It makes sense if the baby is under a year old, I suppose. It would be silly to say that little Spartacus is 7/12 of one year old. So we use months. Then, there comes a time when we switch to years. I'm not sure exactly when that is, 18 months maybe? 24 months. Regardless, it happens. At this point, we celebrate all of our major milestones in terms of years: 16th year, 21st year, 30th year, etc.

I propose a change to this form of celebration. After 21, the years don't really matter anymore anyway, do they? You're just one year older (wiser?). Instead of throwing big parties for someone on their 40th or 50th or 60th birthday, why not switch back to the month calculation? I would love to have a huge bash when I turn 500 (March 29, 2021). And if I make it to 1000 (November 29, 2062), well, you better believe I'm gettin' me a yacht in the Caribbean stocked with malt liquor and the finest hookers money will buy.

This month, I'll be turning 331. Not a major milestone, true, but impressive nonetheless. 333, on the other hand (May 29, 2007), is a good one. I think I'll treat myself to a nice dinner.

DING. Fries Are Done.

I've posted this at least once, if not twice, but hey, it's that time of year.

I wonder if it will ever cease to be funny?

Product Placement

If I was homeless, I don't think that I would stand near a restaurant to beg for money. The smell would just be too much if I was hungry. I guess you could hope for some extra foods when people come out with left-overs, but still.

What A Crappy Movie. Really, Really, Crappy.

I enjoy going to the movies (save the rapidly escalating prices, but that is neither here nor there). I even enjoy "bad" movies. If it gives me two hours of entertainment, allows me to escape from reality, and holds my attention, the movie was worth it. Of course, I would rather see a great or good movie, but you can't win 'em all. The point of all of this is that I rarely see a movie that I think is truly terrible (the last one I can think of was Be Cool (that movie was absolutely horrendous, but was actually so bad, that it was fun watching it)). Well, I saw one last night.

After a lovely dinner at Ted's Montana Grill, a mutual decision was made to go see the new James Bond move, Casino Royale. RottenTomatoes rated Casino Royale a 94/100. That is an extremely favorable rating. Metacritic gave Casino Royale an 80/100. Also a pretty good rating. Well, here is NegativeMode's rating: on a scale of 0-100, I give it a 2. TWO. It was horrendous. The acting was fine and there were some good action scenes, but that's about it. The movie was 2.5 hours but felt more like 16. The biggest problem, though, is that I have absolutely no clue what the hell the movie was about. As far as I could tell, there were some angry Africans, a poker game, testicular torture, and a nice car. How those things fit together, or whether there was a story involved, I have no idea. I couldn't ruin the movie for you if I tried, as there's nothing to ruin. I'd love to ruin the big finish for you, or the shocking plot twist, or even the effin' story, but this movie had none of that. It was crap. You get the point. Also, no need for the testicular torture. That's just wrong.

What was worse, this movie wasn't laughably bad, as was Be Cool. That movie was just so terrible, and Travolta so ridiculous, that it was unintentionally funny (same was true about Head of State (although any movie with Nate Dogg has to be at least an 87/100 based on Mr. Dogg alone)). Anyway, don't go see Casino Royale (and if you've already seen it, I'd love to hear your opinions), it's crap (the new bond, whatever his name is, was good, I suppose, although no Connery).

Fin.

Hi

Who are you people that are reading my blog? I haven't updated it in about three weeks (my bad yo), but I seem to be getting more daily views than I did when I was actually updating regularly. Is that your way of telling me that this site is more valuable when I'm not writing? I don't think so.

In other thoughts in my head: have you ever been walking down the street and seen someone and wondered if they were legitimately crazy or not? I'm sure you have. Well, do you think anyone ever thought that about you, i.e., someone saw you on the street and thought, "hmm, I wonder if that guy is crazy?" I'm pretty sure that someone has thought that about me more than once. It was probably the drooling and bloody knife.

Killing Tastefully

I like to go shooting. Strictly shotgun. Trap, skeet (in the traditional, not hip-hop vernacular), sporting clay etc. I've never shot an animal. However, if I ever do use my shotgun skillz to acquire dinner, I will most certainly use the most humane means possible. Of course, by "humane", I mean "tasty". Which leads us to the NegativeMode Product of the Week: Season Shot.

Season Shot is shotgun ammunition. Basically, a shotgun shell generally consists of shot, small metal balls (usually lead). Season Shot, instead of using lead pellets in the shells, uses hardened, biodegradable food pellets that melt in the oven. Thus, when you shoot a kill a bird (no mention on the website of buckshot (or humanshot for cannibals (and vice-presidents))) it is pumped, not full of lead, but full of delicious seasoning (cajun, lemon pepper, garlic, teriyaki, or honey mustard), which then melts, and seasons, while you cook. The positives here are obvious: not lead is littered about the environment (or your dinner), you don't have to pick lead shot out of your dinner, and your meal is delicious. What a fantastic product.

Even if you're against hunting this is still an amazingly excellent product. Take your steak and shotgun out to the backyard for target practice. Shoot and season. Two birds, one stone. Very impressive product. I encourage you all to go shoot something with it.

Thanks to Mr. Heerde opening my eyes to Season Shot.

Costco

Around 3:30 this afternoon I noticed I was hungry. I didn't have anything I wanted to snack on in the house, so I went to Costco. Costco usually has delicious samples and in quantities sufficient enough to satisfy a mid-afternoon hunger pang, so to Costco I went.

I was walking around trying the samples (cheesesteak, pot roast, spring roll, chocolate, chips and salsa, and pasta) when I noticed a rather peculiar sample: toilet paper. There was a woman there with a standard sample cart (sans the microwave) with several squares of Kirkland toilet paper on it. Curious as to the softness of this toilet paper that was there for the sampling, I did what anyone else would do, pulled down my pants, squatted, and sampled it. I must say, it was quite soft and luxurious on my bare bottom. I give it two thumbs up!

Costco. Is there anything that they don't let you sample?

Just A Thought

Do you think that people with the last name Nordberg are happy about having that last name, unhappy, or neutral? I think I would be happy if that was my last name, although it could get old.

Just a thought....

Arrrrgh!

Um, a pirate rap:

Wayne Wagner

This is the first movie I've ever made. I hope you enjoy watching it as much as I enjoyed creating it.