DING. Fries Are Done.

I've posted this at least once, if not twice, but hey, it's that time of year.

I wonder if it will ever cease to be funny?

Product Placement

If I was homeless, I don't think that I would stand near a restaurant to beg for money. The smell would just be too much if I was hungry. I guess you could hope for some extra foods when people come out with left-overs, but still.

What A Crappy Movie. Really, Really, Crappy.

I enjoy going to the movies (save the rapidly escalating prices, but that is neither here nor there). I even enjoy "bad" movies. If it gives me two hours of entertainment, allows me to escape from reality, and holds my attention, the movie was worth it. Of course, I would rather see a great or good movie, but you can't win 'em all. The point of all of this is that I rarely see a movie that I think is truly terrible (the last one I can think of was Be Cool (that movie was absolutely horrendous, but was actually so bad, that it was fun watching it)). Well, I saw one last night.

After a lovely dinner at Ted's Montana Grill, a mutual decision was made to go see the new James Bond move, Casino Royale. RottenTomatoes rated Casino Royale a 94/100. That is an extremely favorable rating. Metacritic gave Casino Royale an 80/100. Also a pretty good rating. Well, here is NegativeMode's rating: on a scale of 0-100, I give it a 2. TWO. It was horrendous. The acting was fine and there were some good action scenes, but that's about it. The movie was 2.5 hours but felt more like 16. The biggest problem, though, is that I have absolutely no clue what the hell the movie was about. As far as I could tell, there were some angry Africans, a poker game, testicular torture, and a nice car. How those things fit together, or whether there was a story involved, I have no idea. I couldn't ruin the movie for you if I tried, as there's nothing to ruin. I'd love to ruin the big finish for you, or the shocking plot twist, or even the effin' story, but this movie had none of that. It was crap. You get the point. Also, no need for the testicular torture. That's just wrong.

What was worse, this movie wasn't laughably bad, as was Be Cool. That movie was just so terrible, and Travolta so ridiculous, that it was unintentionally funny (same was true about Head of State (although any movie with Nate Dogg has to be at least an 87/100 based on Mr. Dogg alone)). Anyway, don't go see Casino Royale (and if you've already seen it, I'd love to hear your opinions), it's crap (the new bond, whatever his name is, was good, I suppose, although no Connery).

Fin.

Hi

Who are you people that are reading my blog? I haven't updated it in about three weeks (my bad yo), but I seem to be getting more daily views than I did when I was actually updating regularly. Is that your way of telling me that this site is more valuable when I'm not writing? I don't think so.

In other thoughts in my head: have you ever been walking down the street and seen someone and wondered if they were legitimately crazy or not? I'm sure you have. Well, do you think anyone ever thought that about you, i.e., someone saw you on the street and thought, "hmm, I wonder if that guy is crazy?" I'm pretty sure that someone has thought that about me more than once. It was probably the drooling and bloody knife.

Killing Tastefully

I like to go shooting. Strictly shotgun. Trap, skeet (in the traditional, not hip-hop vernacular), sporting clay etc. I've never shot an animal. However, if I ever do use my shotgun skillz to acquire dinner, I will most certainly use the most humane means possible. Of course, by "humane", I mean "tasty". Which leads us to the NegativeMode Product of the Week: Season Shot.

Season Shot is shotgun ammunition. Basically, a shotgun shell generally consists of shot, small metal balls (usually lead). Season Shot, instead of using lead pellets in the shells, uses hardened, biodegradable food pellets that melt in the oven. Thus, when you shoot a kill a bird (no mention on the website of buckshot (or humanshot for cannibals (and vice-presidents))) it is pumped, not full of lead, but full of delicious seasoning (cajun, lemon pepper, garlic, teriyaki, or honey mustard), which then melts, and seasons, while you cook. The positives here are obvious: not lead is littered about the environment (or your dinner), you don't have to pick lead shot out of your dinner, and your meal is delicious. What a fantastic product.

Even if you're against hunting this is still an amazingly excellent product. Take your steak and shotgun out to the backyard for target practice. Shoot and season. Two birds, one stone. Very impressive product. I encourage you all to go shoot something with it.

Thanks to Mr. Heerde opening my eyes to Season Shot.

Costco

Around 3:30 this afternoon I noticed I was hungry. I didn't have anything I wanted to snack on in the house, so I went to Costco. Costco usually has delicious samples and in quantities sufficient enough to satisfy a mid-afternoon hunger pang, so to Costco I went.

I was walking around trying the samples (cheesesteak, pot roast, spring roll, chocolate, chips and salsa, and pasta) when I noticed a rather peculiar sample: toilet paper. There was a woman there with a standard sample cart (sans the microwave) with several squares of Kirkland toilet paper on it. Curious as to the softness of this toilet paper that was there for the sampling, I did what anyone else would do, pulled down my pants, squatted, and sampled it. I must say, it was quite soft and luxurious on my bare bottom. I give it two thumbs up!

Costco. Is there anything that they don't let you sample?

Just A Thought

Do you think that people with the last name Nordberg are happy about having that last name, unhappy, or neutral? I think I would be happy if that was my last name, although it could get old.

Just a thought....

Arrrrgh!

Um, a pirate rap:

Wayne Wagner

This is the first movie I've ever made. I hope you enjoy watching it as much as I enjoyed creating it.

Saved By The Smell

As you all know, I like to report on all things Screech in this space. The guy is pretty interesting and seems like quite an ass. As you also may or may not know, there is now a Screech sex tape making the rounds. I haven't seen it, nor do I plan to, but I would be remiss if I didn't alert you to this new Screech related development.

You can read about it here, and here, and here.

Ewww.

A Fraudulent Conundrum

I saw a billboard today offering a $25,000 reward for reporting insurance fraud.* That got me thinking, obviously insurance fraud is a fairly commonplace crime (feel free to do your own research if you wish; you can start at www.insurancefraud.org), but, for $25,000, I'm sure there are people out there who've contemplated insurance fraud reporting fraud. In fact, I'm confident that there have been people who have actually committed insurance fraud reporting fraud, possibly even pocketing the $25,000. My searches for "insurance fraud reporting fraud" and "reporting insurance fraud fraud" didn't really turn up much, so as far as I can tell, there is not research as of yet on the amount of insurance fraud reporting fraud that goes on in this country (in either English or Spanish), so I am using my bully pulpit (I'm not sure whether or not a blog counts as a bully pulpit or not. Probably not, but whatever.) to call for a study. I can only imagine how much we, as Americans, are forced to pay each year due to people reporting fraudulent insurance fraud.

What is even scarier, however, is that we run into a slippery slope of sorts, or a Gordian knot, (or some other intellectually frightening moniker in that vein) in that if we create hotline with rewards with which to report insurance fraud reporting fraud, the frauders will simply move one layer deeper, moving on to insurance fraud reporting fraud reporting fraud and so on and so forth. You can see the problem here. I've seen it and I'm not sure what to do about it. Whatever, I'm sure good old American ambivalence (or NegativeMode ambivalence, if those two are not, indeed, mutually exclusive) will prevail.

* I can't be 100% certain that this is what the billboard actually said, as it was in Spanish, but I'm fairly certain based on my limited Spanish skillz and the picture in the ad. I guess I could be wrong, and it could have been an ad for a $25,000 car that has been in an accident, but I doubt that.

Completely Unrelated Topic: I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but whenever you run spellcheck in Blogger and your post contains the work "blog," the spellchecker highlights "blog" and instead suggests "bloc." Apparently, the word "blog" is not recognized by the Blogger spellchecker. That, my friends, is silly, ridiculous, and ironic.

You've Got to be Kidding Me

I'm not sure how many of you are able to watch television at noon on a weekday, but nevertheless, I feel obligated to point out the terrible injustice perpetrated on the viewing public by TBS at midday. In the past, the noon to one o'clock hour on TBS entertained us all with two episodes of Saved By The Bell. I can't think of a better way to greet the afternoon than with the gang from Bayside High. Even if you aren't home at lunch, you can always tivo the episodes for later enjoyment.

Well, I'm not sure when they did it, or what brilliant marketing genius over at TBS made the call, but for some reason the channel switched from SBTB to Becker. Becker!?! Seriously, what a heaping piece of poop show. I could understand switching to Friends, Seinfeld, Sex in the City, Mash, Teletubbies, the Cosby Show, Fresh Prince, etc., etc., etc., but Becker? Why not personally come to the home of every TBS lunchtime viewer and smear dog poo on our faces? Personally, I'd find that less offensive.

So, if any TBS executives are reading this (I'm sure there must be a few), please put down the pipe and switch back to SBTB. Other than Ted Danson and his kids, no one wants to watch Becker. Seriously, no one. Thanks.

Moustache Storage

Speaking of moustaches, it is weird that I have a drawer devoted solely to my fake moustaches? I mean, one has to have somewhere to put one's moustaches, right? You wouldn't want your fake moustaches comingling with rubberbands or marbles or chicken bones.

Wax

I was at the CVS today, and after much searching, I was able to locate Pinaud moustache wax. Now, I don't have a moustache, nor if I did would I necessarily use moustache wax (although there is a good chance I would for formal occasions like, say, a Christening or Pinochle league games). However, if I did have a moustache and use wax for grooming said moustache, I would certainly entrust my wax needs to no brand other than Pinaud. It comes with a tiny moustache comb for applying the wax. I'm glad CVS carries Pinaud moustache wax. It's comforting.

Maestro

For those of you who don't know, my real name is Bob Cobb.

You, however, may call me Maestro.

Trip to the Store

I just walked over to the Safeway (grocery store) for some pizza sauce. My wife is going to make me a pizza bagel (one for her too). So I walked over and got pizza sauce. I saw while I was there, though, that Ragu was on sale, so I bought three jars. I figure that they don't go bad unopened so it's all good. Anyway, I went to the checkout, paid for my pizza sauce and three jars of Ragu and picked up my bag (the checkout lady bagged my items for me) to leave. Now, apparently, the Safeway ran out of normal grocery bags, so my four jars were placed in a large, white, kitchen trash bag. I walked out of Safeway with a giant trashbag (30-gallon I think) with four jars of tomato sauce in it. It was really weird. Just thought I'd share.

Hello From Punta Cana

Good day all. Mia and I are in the Dominican Republic. Normally, on a honeymoon, I doubt one would blog. However, seeing as how I love you all, I´m taking a break from the love-making to blog. Not really. I needed to check something on the internet and you can only purchase internet usage in 1/2 hour increments. Thus, now that I have finished my business (setting up a deep sea Marling-fishing expedition), Mia and I have 20 internet minutes to kill.

Accordingly, I will tell you about Punta Cana. First, the keyboard is exceedingly difficult to use. Second only, I´d say, to Iceland. Second, it is hot as balls. Something like 90 degrees but 354% humidity. This is okay, because the pool here is over 400 meters. More of a lagoon, really. Also there is an ocean, or a sea, I´m not sure. I think the sea, but don´t hold me to that. Third, I am somewhat drunk. Seeing as how this is all inclusive, beer and liquor being included, one is compelled to indulge in said indulgences. Fourth, I´m sick of sitting here trying to use up internet time. Instead, I´ll write a limerick:

There once was a man from Punta Cana,
who really enjoyed Punta Cana.
He went to the beach,
And really enjoyed the beach,
And afterward said, "I like Punta Cana."

That´s for you PostiveMode. Seacrest out.

P.S. From the new Mrs. Negativemode: Matt really cannot go a day without posting...even somewhat shitfaced.
P.P.S. I really can go a day without posting, as you all well know. As I said before, we have 20 minutes to kill.

P.P.P.S. We are going to the bar (says Mrs. NegativeMode). Later suckers.

Sorry Ladies, NegativeMode is Spoken For

Well, I'm married now. I'd love to post pictures of the wife (wife!) and I, but I don't have any right now. Instead, I'll post a picture of PositiveMode and I looking quite dapper.


Also, I have to apoligize, but I won't be posting again until next week, as I'm headed to the Dominican Republic for my honeymoon. I'll leave you with this link to the Princeton Review's top party schools for 2007.

Hu Flung Pu

For some reason I haven't been able to blog from my primary computer, hence, the lack up updates. I'm sorry. I can only imagine the disappointment you must feel when you open NegativeMode only to see the same post for days on end. Unfortunately, due to my pending nuptials, I haven't had any time to be creative and think of things to post. Really all I have time to do is think about thing I have to get ready or pick up or pay for. Regardless, here's a true story, from Reuters to amuse you:

BERLIN (Reuters) - Thieves in Germany stole 7,500 euros ($9,554) from a man by throwing feces at him from behind and then pick-pocketing him while they pretended to help clean up the mess, authorities said Monday.

After withdrawing 8,000 euros from a bank for a holiday the man was struck in the back of the neck by what he described as human feces, police in the central town of Giessen said.

"Immediately afterwards two large women came up to him from behind and claimed they had seen someone excreting down onto the street from above," police said in a statement.

The two women then began briskly wiping the filth from the man's clothing with paper towels they had with them. They were soon joined by a third man, who also came bearing paper towels.

Only when the man went to take his foul-smelling trousers to cleaners did he notice that 7,500 euros had been taken from his back pocket by one of the would-be helpers, police said.

Now that, my friends, is a quality robbery. And, if you're still bored, try this. The highest I've gotten is 20. Simple, but strangely addicting (I guess anything is when you're trying to kill time).

Doo Doo Pie

This is one of my favorite skits from SNL. I've never been able to find it on the web before today, so I thought I'd share it with you. Not only is it funny, but it's great to compare Britney from that skit (May 13, 2005) with Britney from today.

Borat

This is the trailer for the new Borat movie due out this fall (November 3, 2006). I truly can't wait.

The Flava of Love

Ok, disregard the post immediately below this one. I've found a show on TV that is even better than So You Think You Can Dance (although I'm still a big fan). While I said that SYTYCD is my favorite show of the summer, the new show might be my favorite show of all time. What show am I talking about? The Flava of Love of course (new shows 10pm Sundays on VH1). In a nut shell, the show is Flava Flav of Public Enemy fame dating various women who live in his house with him in a "the Bachelor" type format. Truly riviting television. You really gotta watch it to believe it. Last night was the premere of the second season (you can watch the entire first season here). We have truly reached the pinnacle of television with Flava of Love. I just can't see it getting any better. . . .

Errata

I'll admit it, my favorite show of the summer, by far, is So You Think You Can Dance. It's awesome and I love it. I don't care what you say about me, it rocks. I think I should have becomce a professional hip-hop dancer. There's still time. . . .

Also, I just smelled my pants again (I still haven't worn them (it's been way too hot)) and they still smell really nice. Maybe I'll get to wear them this weekend or something.

Stay cool.

Montreal Follow-Up

Well, Montreal, save the USAir debacle (get this, my flight home was also cancelled because they couldn't start the plane (seriously) and I was stuck in Montreal overnight and missed work. As I said before USAir is horrendous (customer service in particular)), was excellent. Very beautiful city, fun time, and great weather. The international fireworks competition finale happened to be on Saturday night, which was really amazing. I'll post some pictures of the trip this evening. That is all.

Time for a Boycott: USAirways

USAirways is a horrible airline. There're no two ways about it and it is now painfully clear to me why they are in bankruptcy (it was clear to me before from prior experiences -- only now is it painfully clear). I know not many people read this blog, but for those of you that do, I encourage you to avoid them like the plague.

Without getting into details (they're boring), USAir managed to get me into Montreal five hours late last night. Had I been a lemming, and followed the advice of their ticket agents, I'd be getting into Montreal at 3pm today. My flight was cancelled and they put everyone on a flight tomorrow INSTEAD OF THE FLIGHT LEAVING 3 HOURS LATER. How they thought this would be the best solution, I have no idea. Luckily, I was able to get on the later flight over the phone. Of course, by doing so, the ticket agent decided to cancel my flight back from Montreal, so I'm stuck here. That's now been rectified though, so don't worry.

Sorry to ramble. I don't know if that even made sense. If you take anything away from this post, it should be don't fly USAirways. If it's your only choice, rent a car, take a train, bus, anything. It is a terrible airline and deserves to go out of business.

Also, Montreal (what I've seen of it) seems to be pretty cool. I'll go explore now (that I'm off the phone with USAir (which took over an hour (roaming charges too (assholes (USAir, not Verizon))))).

Of Cheese, Status, Mobility, and Power

I said it once, I'll say it again, I really love cheese. I would love to some day be part-owner in a restaurant and hold the title of maitre de fromage. What an honor. Does that make me a cheeseophile? Is that even a word?

For those of you who share my intense yearning for cheese, you'll be glad to know that cheese isn't just a culinary delight, it's a symbol of one's wealth and power (as is, I suppose, using pretentious, impersonal, objective pronouns such as "one's"). According to this article by San Francisco magazine:

“Illegal cheese is a status symbol,” says Jesse. “If you can bring a fresh raw milk brie or camembert to the table, it says something about your wealth and mobility.” I need to be saying things about my wealth and mobility. I need to speak loudly and carry some strong cheese. I need a dealer.

Clearly, then, I need an illegal cheese dealer. Not just for the cheese itself, but for the power and status associated with it. With a dealer, one day the following passage could, with some luck, dreams, and hard work, apropos to me:

Those with the right connections get invited to illegal-cheese parties, like one recently thrown by a San Francisco lawyer who agreed to speak on the condition of anonymity. He tells me he smuggled a wheel of époisses on his way back from vacationing in Vienna. He wrapped the cheese tightly in plastic, buried it in his checked luggage, and invited his 20 most important friends over for an illicit-cheese party. “People looked at me a little differently after that,” he says. “There was more respect—a little bit of a ‘He’s not just a lawyer, he’s a wild cheese smuggler’ type of thing.”

So, if anyone has any illegal cheese they'd like to hook me up with, you know how to reach me. I'd love to be referred to as "not just a lawyer, [but] a wild cheese smuggler."*

*I am not, of course, asking for illegal cheese contributions nor connections to underground, cheese-smuggling ruffians. As much as I love cheese, I love the law more, and would never defile my good name for a marvelous piece of brie. Would I?

Je Ne Sais Quoi

On Thursday I'm leaving for my annual mid(late?)-summer international trip. Unfortunately, this year I won't be going to Iceland, Scotland, England, etc., etc., etc., for a month like I did last year (sadly, it will be a long time before I ever get to take a trip like that again, if ever). Rather, I'm going to Montreal for the weekend. Of course, I'll be sure to try and take some lovely pictures to share with all of you, but first, you have to share something with me....

Tell me about Montreal. Have any of you been there? What should I do? Where do I have to eat? What do I have to see? I know one of you has a favorite strip club I should visit. I've never been there, but from what I've heard, it's a wonderful city. Unfortunately, I only have three full days to see it. So NegativeModers, tell me what I gots to see. Thanks kiddies!

Freestyle Friday

It's been a while since I've talked about the greatest rap duo of all time, Camp Lo. Well, in preparation for their upcoming album, they've created a new website: www.camp-lo.com. I strongly encourage you to check it out. They are the best. Period. PositiveMode can back me up on this.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, well, peep this. It's gold, Jerry, GOLD!

A Pants Conundrum

This past weekend I bought a new pair of pants from Abercrombie & Fitch. Generally, I'm not a very big fan of that store. It's not that I don't like their merchandise (I do), it's just that I'm too old to wear it. If I were a millionaire (or billionaire) playboy, and didn't have to wear nice clothes, I'd wear A&F gear all the time (I do wear their shorts whenever it so happens that I'm wearing shorts). As it is, I can't wear the destroyed rags they sell to work. Also, the music they play in the store is way too loud. It's louder than a lot of clubs, which is just crazy when you're shopping for clothes. Whatever, that's not the point.

The point is that the pants I purchased this past weekend smell really, really nice. I'm not sure why I even smelled them in the first place, but when I took them out of the bag, I did, and boy was that a fine scent. Now I'm torn. Do I wear the pants, hoping that, through the transitive property, I somehow acquire such a pleasant smell? Doing so will almost certainly cause the pants to lose their scent. So do I just keep the pants in my drawer, taking them out only to smell them for brief periods of time? I'm not sure. I know that if I were single, I'd wait until I went to a really nice strip club to wear the pants. The goal being, of course, to get the hottest stripper to smell my awesome smelling pants. Naturally, that would lead to, hopefully, my pants on her floor. I'm not single though, so I'm really in a bind.

I guess I'll just keep the pants in my drawer, smelling them periodically until fall, when it's cooler out and I'll need said pants at my disposal. Any one of you is welcome to stop by and smell my pants if you don't believe me, but trust me, they smell great.

Date Lab - Minnetonkian Edition

I wouldn't be doing my job as a blogger and a friend if I didn't use this space to call attention to this article in yesterday's Washington Post Magazine. It seems my former long-time roommate, Mr. Eric McNett, has been playing the Post's version of Blind Date. I don't have too much to say about the actual article, other than it was exceedingly funny to open the paper and randomly find it (classy, classy picture too). "I love ... making people comfortable." What the hell does that mean?

Anyway, if the Washington Post's Date Lab isn't really your thing, here's an excellent "interview" with Eminem by Weird Al. Here's a question, will Weird Al ever not be funny? I don't think so. Enjoy (thanks, as always, You Tube).

Potato Chip Update

Apparently there's a new flavor of Pringles on the market: crack. According to this article by News 8 Austin (with picture), police recently seized crack-cocaine disguised as potato chips from a man. The guy actually formed the crack into Pringles-looking potato chips and put them in a Pringles can. Pretty damn ingenious if you ask me. I have no idea how the police knew that this guy's Pringles were actually crack. Unfortuantely, I haven't yet had a chance to review this particular new flavor of Pringles. Review coming shortly....

And speaking of crack, I highly recommend FX's new show It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (I said "speaking of crack" because the 3rd episode featured two of the main characters becoming crackheads). It's very, very funny and, because it's on FX and after ten, they can swear, which makes for better TV, I think. Anyway, check it out tonight at 10pm on FX, I don't think you'll be dissapointed (maybe you will be, but I don't really care).

Potato Chip Diaries

I really like potato chips. In fact, they are my favorite snack food, by far. I'm its hereditary, or genetic, or something of that ilk ("ilk is used way too much these days, but that is neither here nor there), but I have nothing to prove that. Anyway, I have recently tried two new (to me) flavors of potato chips, so, being the connoisseur that I am, I thought I'd review them for you.



The first were Pizzalicious Pringles. Terrible. I really like pizza-flavored snack foods -- pizza Combos for instance. The Pringles taste nothing like pizza, real or artificial (not that the Combos do, but they're good). They taste more like . . . I don't know. I just ate one and I can't adequately describe it. Sort of like sweet, yet rancid, powdered milk mixed with salt and paprika. That sounds about right. Let's just say that they aren't good. I suggest you steer clear. (Here's a review from taquitos.net, a snack review website, although their reviews aren't very informative).


Next were Utz Carolina Style BBQ chips. I have to start off by saying I may be slightly biased, as Utz are my favorite brand of potato chip by far. In fact, if I were stuck with only one snack food for the rest of my life, I'd choose regular Utz chips. Anyway, the Carolina BBQ chips are fantastic. They taste like a mix of salt and vinegar chips and bbq chips. Really, really good. Sort of like eating a mild salt and vinegar chip and then putting a bbq one in your mouth. Good stuff and highly recommended. (The taquitos.net review)

That does it for this installment of potato chip reviews. If I taste any more new ones, I'll be sure to let all of you know. Seacrest out.

River Flow Dynamics, Tidal Straits, and Flooding

As those of you who regularly read this blog know, my office windows face the mighty Susquehanna River. When I first began working here, I posted a few times how it appeared that the River was flowing in the wrong direction (North instead of South) or completely stagnant. I found this pretty interesting, but utlimately decided it was just due to the wind; the River always flows North to South.

Well, you can imagine my surprise when, two weekends ago, I stumbled across a river whose flow shifted throughout the course of the day. Twice to be exact. I happened to be staying on Roosevelt Island in New York City, which is situated directly in the middle of the East River. Being the amateur river-flow enthusiast that I am, I noticed that the River was flowing North to South. However, later in the day, I noticed that the river was now flowing South to North. At first I was mystified and confused. Surely this "river" couldn't have switched directions in the middle of the day. I made it a point to note the direction of the river flow each time I looked at it. Sure enough, the East River changed directions again, back to North to South. Turns out, this is because the East River is not actually a river at all, but rather, a tidal strait. Thus, it changes direction twice a day with the tides. Fascinating, huh?

Anyway, back to my local River, the mighty Susquehanna. With the recent rains here on the East Coast, the river is swelling and predicted to flood sometime tonight or tomorrow. Normally, the River is between 4-5 feet deep outside of my window, but this morning, when I arrived at work, the River was at 11 feet. Since I've been here, the level has risen another 4 feet to 15 feet. At 17 feet, the River is at flood stage. The National Weather Service says the River should crest at 20.5 feet. Sadly, I won't be in the office tomorrow to watch the River crest. Oh well. At least I was able to take a walk down to the River at lunch today to get a closer look....

This ends my ramblings on river flows and levels. Enjoy your day.

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Take a Journey

I don't have anything to say, but watching this video should make your day. If it doesn't, well, you're dead inside.

Is It Me You're Looking For?

This post is a present for PositiveMode, who has refused to comment on NegativeMode since he resigned as a contributor (which I didn't elaborate on (and also deleted his resignation post), thereby causing confustion as to whether he was "let go" or resigned). Perhaps this will change his mind....

We Bad, We Know It, We Bad, We Show It

At first, I had no idea who that fat man in the forground of the picture was. Clearly (or maybe not to non-Saved By The Bell ("SBTB") addicts) that is none other than Samuel "Screech" Powers in the background, but who's the portly gentleman in the front. Why, it's your friendly school Principal Richard Belding, who has apparently eaten his younger brother Rod since SBTB went off the air.

The Boston Globe online recently (I think yesterday, but maybe Sunday) published a little photo piece entitled For Whom the Bell Tolls (clever guys) with a paragraph or two updating us on the current exploits of Mr. Belding, Screech, Lisa, Jessie, Kelly, Slater, and, of course, Zack (It's Z-A-C-K Boston Globe writers (and DJ Skuggs), not Z-A-C-H. Unacceptable.) They're a tad harsh on some of the gang, but oh well. I wasn't going to link to the article until I saw the monstrous new Dennis Haskins. Impressive Denny. Also, the Globe article was conspicuously missing updates on Tori Scott, Violet Anne Bickerstaff, Mr. Tuttle, Scud/Ox, Muffin Sangria, Stacey Carosi, and Jonny Dakota. Oh well.

Also, I didn't forget about my promise to write about river-flow dynamics. I know you can't wait.

A Preview of a River Flow Discussion

I've used this site before as a forum for my musings about river direction. Previously, those musings have always been in regard to the river that I can see outside of my office window. If you remember (which you probably do not), there was a while when I thought the river was going the wrong way. Turns out it was just windy, so it looked like it was flowing the wrong way. The point of all of this is to remind you of my affinity for staring at rivers confronting river flow questions and dilemmas. This affinity was re-stirred this weekend when I was in NYC. I encountered the most unique river-flow-directional question yet. What is this question? I'll tell you later. I don't feel like writing about it now, because it will require some links and research (that I've already done) that I'm too tired to do now.

Also, I think I have some more Jack the Ripper comments. I most certainly don't have any Iceland-extreme-price comments today, but if you'd like some, I can work on that. Thanks.

Screech and the Bathroom

First, I'd like to draw your attention to www.getdshirts.com. This is a website created by Dustin Diamond, i.e., Samuel "Screech Powers" from Saved By the Bell. He's created this website to express his sob story about how his home is being foreclosed and he wants your (our) money. I'd feel bad for him, except that he comes off as a big asshole in pretty much any interview you can find with him (this example, which I linked to before, is a very good example (he has an unnatural hatred of Slater) or this example). Since that's the case, I don't really care if he loses his house. That being said, it's still pretty funny that he's losing his house and made a website. You should check it out.

Second, a random thought: Sometimes I wash my hands before I go to the bathroom, you know, just to change things up.

The Monkey Chow Diaries

Now that Blogger seems to be somewhat functional again, I'd like to point out a very funny, and actually somewhat poignant website: The Monkey Chow Diaries.

In short, this guy, Adam, on what appears to be a dare/experiment, has decided to eat nothing buy Monkey Chow for a week (basically dog food, but for primates). He chronicals his week through videos posted on the link above and also through a blog. I encourage you to read it all and watch the videos. They're very funny. More importantly though, what turned out to be a stupid experiment by some guy, egged on by his buddy, has brought international attention to the people in this world, and there are more than anyone would like to think about, who are actually starving. Although Adam may be "starving", eating monkey chow for a week is more nutrition than millions of people in this world are getting.

Anyway, I'll be getting off my horse now. Check out the site though, it's funny and, more importantly, he talks a lot about the consistency and smell of his poo. I know that's all you clowns want to know about anyway.

Special thanks to Trizzout for pointing me to the Monkey Chow Diaries.

Some Phallogy For Ya

When PositiveMode and I were in Iceland, we attempted to go to Iceland's Institute of Phallogy. I guess the idea was to see how we compared to our friends in the animal kingdom. Unfortunately, after searching the streets of Reykjavik for the Institute (including fighting over who would ask the hotel receptionist where the Penis Museaum was), we gave up. How could our guide book have lead us so astray? Well, the Philadelphia Inquirer answered that question for me yesterday in this article: apparently, the Institute was moved two years ago from Reykjavik to Husavik, so we missed it by about a year. Oh well, at least that clears up that little mystery. If you'd like to learn a little more about Iceland's Institute of Phallogy and penises in general, check out the article in the Inquirer.

Of course, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that today is 6/6/06, the day of the Beast or the end of the world, or some other such nonsense. Here's an article dispelling some of the myths behind that diabolic number.

Attn: Fatties

Today is free doughnut day at Krispy Kreme. Go get one. You know you want one. Your belt has another notch....

Am I Man or Cat?

There have been two flys, one big, one small, buzzing around my home for the past two days. Flys, while not particularly harmful, are annoying. These flys were annoying me.

Last night, the big one made a fatal mistake. As I was laying in bed, watching TV, he dared to fly within arms reach of me. With the quickness of a cougar I spun, snagged, and caught. He never saw me coming. I threw him into the toilet and flushed him. This morning, as I prepared my bowl of Cocoa Crispies, the small fly committed the same error as his larger brethren. He flew within my reach. BAM. I grabbed him out of the air in the first try and threw him as hard as I could into the sink. He was done. Before yesterday, I don't know that I've ever snatched a fly out of mid-air. Those little buggers are quick. Then, within a 12 hour span, I snagged two; both on the first try. Maybe I'm gaining some sort of super powers. I don't know where this quickness and deadly accuracy came from. Maybe I have other powers that I don't know about. I think tonight I'll get into a bar fight and see what happens. See what these other powers are. Whatever. I just know that if you're a fly and you're reading this, stay the hell away from my home. I'm deadly.

On a somewhat related note. When I was younger, one of my friends was barbecuing with his father on their deck. A songbird landed on the railing near the grill. As it took off to fly away, my friend's dad, in one swift motion, dropped his spatula, snagged the bird out of mid-air, snapped its neck, and threw it to the ground. He then grunted to my friend, "Clean up bird." What an amazing display of both quickness and brutality. They were Russian immigrants. I've always been awed by that display.

Jack the Ripper Revisited ... Possibly

Last August I traveled around Europe. Some of you probably read all about that trip on this very blog. Anyway, on our first night in London, PositiveMode, PositiveMode's friend Mark, and I went on a "Jack the Ripper" tour of London. At the time, I didn't really write much about it because I was somewhat bitter (see post here). However, it turned out to be one of the more fun things we did, only because of the extreme ridulousness of the whole thing.

I know I've alluded to this before, but, you see, no one knows anything at all about Jack the Ripper. Basically, the only hard facts they have are as follows: a few people died in a certain area of London a long time ago and someone killed them. So, when those are your only facts, it's quite difficult to give an informative tour. If you couple that with the fact that the scenes of all the murders are now either parking garages or alleys between office buildings, you can only imagine the ridiculousness of this tour. Basically, we walked through alleys in London, looking at various parking garages and dumpsters while some struggling actor told us who Jack the Ripper may or may not have been. He could have been a doctor, or lawyer, or random drunk. He could have been an anti-Semite or he could have been a rabbi. He might have killed one person or fifteen. You get the idea. No one knows anything about this person ... it would be like going on an Easter Bunny tour and looking at his favorite hangouts.

Of course, the best theory (if you even want to call them that, they're more like random guesses) that we heard was that "Jack" was actually "Jill", i.e., the killer was a woman. That one really cemented the idea that no one has any idea who this Ripper really was. Well, what do I find on The Australian today? This headline: "DNA Hints at Jill the Ripper." Now, of course, I thought there would be conclusive evidence for a prominent news source to print (upload?) such a headline, but, like everything else Jack the Ripper related, it is entirely speculation. From the article:

JACK the Ripper could well be a Jill.

In a bid to crack the identity of one of the greatest murder mysteries of all time, technology developed in Australia has tested 118-year-old DNA the notorious serial killer may have left behind and built a partial female profile. Scientist Ian Findlay today said the partial profile had been created from saliva possibly from the Ripper on the back of stamps on the envelopes of letters sent to London police.

"It's possible the Ripper could be female but the results are inconclusive," said Prof Findlay, who is the chief scientific officer at the Gribbles Molecular Science forensic lab. He said because the samples were so old, very small and poorly preserved, only a partial profile was built that "didn't reach forensic standards" nor identified an individual.

I've highlighted the appropriate words for you. Basically, they tested the DNA on some old stamps and found no evidence. However, it could be from Jack the Ripper, who could be a woman. Thanks. Very helpful. It's also possible that I'm Jack the Ripper. There just as much conclusive evidence.

Anyway, that's my Jack the Ripper story and rant for the day. Like the expensive prices in Iceland, Jack the Ripper is a frequent topic of this blog, so get used to it. Sorry, but these things fascinate me.

Optimus Prime

Ignore this post if you aren't a Transformers fan (i.e., non-male born outside of 1975-85). Those of you who grew up watching the Transformers, playing with Transformers toys, etc., here's your chance to see Optimus Prime transformed from a cartoon into reality (sort of, it's CGI). Maybe only the true Transformer freaks (like I was in my youth) will appreciate this. Oh well.

What's that Smell?

I'm sure most of you know that I really like cheese. Actually, maybe none of you know that. I don't really care. Point being, I like cheese. A lot. Some day, I'd even like to be a maitre de fromage (a sommelier, but for cheese). However, as much as I like cheese, I don't want to smell like it.

I heard on NPR today that British (English, to be more specific) Stilton producers, in an effort to educate people and encourage them to try eating Blue Stilton cheese as part of everyday meals, have commissioned a Stilton perfume. I suppose that's a good and unique marketing scheme, but if you ask me, the last thing anyone would want to smell like is blue cheese. Don't get me wrong, I sprinkle blue cheese on my salad every night; I love the stuff. But to smell like it, no thanks. According to the press release, the perfume is "eminently wearable". I encourage all of you to try this perfume and report back to me, as I'm curious to see the results. I suppose, if you really want to smell like blue cheese, you could just rub some on your face. It's probably good for your skin anyway....

Johnny Five is Alive!!!

I want to take a moment to point out that today is the 20th anniversary of the release of one of my favorite childhood (fine, adulthood) movies ... Short Circuit. Released on May 9, 1986, and starring Steve Guttenburg, Ally Sheedy and a bunch of other people I never heard of including the funny Indian guy, Short Circuit is the story of the lovable Johnny Five who just so happens to come alive.

I know you all remember and love this movie. Who didn't? In honor of the anniversary, do yourself a favor and check out Johnny-Five.com, dedicated to our favorite robot. Happy 20th Johnny!

Follicular Facial Fun

For those of you who don't follow global facial hair related news, last weekend was the International German Beard World Championship, held in Hesel, Germany. No need for me to get into the details when they can all be read here, on Der Spiegel Online. I'll just post some of my favorite pictures and comment that, some day, I can only hope to compete in one of these competitions. I swear, I'll do it, and the pictures will be here to prove it. Until then, enjoy these brave competitors:



I do want to briefly mention this quote from the 8th paragraph of the above-linked article: "His friend Steve Parsons entered the competition sporting a cricketing outfit and an "English" mustache -- thin with fine, long points, sported by Victorian army officers and possibly Jack the Ripper." Ca'mon. Enough with this Jack the Ripper nonsense. No one knows a thing about him, including whether he even existed or whether he was even a he (as opposed to a she, geniouses), and you're going to say that he may have had an English moustache? Of course he could have. He could have had anything, including a glass eye and Jack shaved into his head. No one knows. Just admit that. I'm talking to you London.

I Will Not Eat Cat Poop!

Anchorman was a really good movie. I especially enjoyed the scene when Ron was down on his luck and forced to eat cat poop. I mean, we've all been there, right? That's why this article from Northwest Indiana Times Online really hit close to home with me. I've reprinted ("reposted?") the article below. Just keep in mind while reading it, Dick Carroll isn't just crazy, he's crazy about his rights:

CROWN POINT A Highland man, who claims to have mailed boxes of "cat poop sandwiches" to Lake County courts Monday to protest a small claims case, has locked himself in his home in anticipation of being arrested.

"I'm not coming out of this house," he said. Richard Carroll, 54, is the same man who early last month sent a package to Lake Superior Court Magistrate Michael Pagano that a hazardous materials team examined.

Carroll, who insists he's not violent, said he believes he's making his stand. The six boxes mailed this week contained the excrement, bread and torn up money with some change thrown in, he said. "They all say I'm crazy, but I'm crazy about my rights," he said.

Authorities said they are aware of his actions. The owner of three cats, Carroll, who also goes by the name Vampire Killer, said he intends to mail similar boxes weekly. He claims he will only leave his home if police arrive with an arrest warrant and a federal agent.

Pantalones? No!

Keeping with my trend of informing you of all the latest holidays, two very important ones are coming up on Friday. First, you probably already know that it is Cinco de Mayo. A simple look at the calander can tell you that. Nice that it's a Friday this year. Be sure to drink as much tequila, margaritas, and Coronas as possible. Luckily for you (and me), Friday isn't only Cinco de Mayo, but, in a perfect-storm of holidays, is also No Pants Day.

No Pants Day is simple to celebrate ... just don't wear pants this Friday. According to this article from PhillyBurbs.com:

It's hard to say what No Pants Day commemorates other than simply the
freedom associated with not wearing pants.

Participants are urged to show up for work or play in modest boxer shorts
or other types of underwear, such as bloomers, slips or briefs.

But whatever you do, don't wear pants,
and wearing skirts, dresses or kilts doesn't count.

So, I encourage you to participate in both holidays voraciously. What does that mean? Well, just drink as much as you can while pantless. Really, I don't see how anything other than good can come from that. You might want to take the day off, but that's your call. As to whether I'll be celebrating, I guess the answer is yes. Not so much because of the holidays though, but because I drink pantless everyday. Feel free to join me....

Happy Law Day

Please join me in celebrating what is, quite possibly, the lamest "holiday" of the year: Law Day. I suppose as a newly crowned member of the Bar, I should be celebrating this holiday by taking the day off of work and getting drunk, but I'm not. Instead, more appropriately perhaps, I will celebrate this glorious Law Day by laying out the law, working for the Man, and general TCB.

In case you are curious about the holiday, check out the American Bar Association's special Law Day website. Further, if you're not sure what to do to celebrate, the ABA suggests that you "focus on our heritage of liberty under law and how the rule of law makes our Democracy possible." Or, you could go get a hooker and some blow and party like the Law Day it is. Your call. Anyway, enjoy this lovely holiday, and don't forget to get your Law Day merchandise here.

Special thanks to KetchupMode for the heads up on this important day.

Here We Go Jesus, Here We Go!

Are you looking to throw away $75 on some trash today? If you are, I've got the site for you! Welcome to http://www.christianthrowbackjersey.com/. At first, I thought it was a joke. Who would waste that much money on a look-alike team jersey that has verses of the Bible instead of team names and player names? Then I remembered, we live in America; land of the free and home of lunatic fundamentalist Christians.

In all seriousness though, these would make a great gift for you child or husband. What better way to teach the one you love the art of self-defense than by purchasing a fake team jersey with bible verses on it? I guarantee that they'll get their ass kicked for looking like a giant douche, and with time, will learn to defend themseves. Most likely, faster than any Judo or Karate class would teach them, and at a fraction of the cost. Here's the bastardized Iverson jersey. Go Isaiah!

Free Cone Day

In my ongoing effort to both promote random days of celebration as well as fatten you all up for the kill, I am pleased to announce that today is "Free Cone Day" at all Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream locations (trust me, that link is good, it just seems that all the fatties are crashing B&J's servers today).

Please, go enjoy a free cone for me (and two for Q, as I don't think there is a Ben & Jerry's in Kabul as of yet). And, if you're lucky enough to be at the State College Ben & Jerry's, be sure to pick up the smuttiest pornographic magazine in the back of the store because, nothing says "class" quite like free ice cream and dirty, dirty porn. Enjoy!

Happy Birthday NegativeMode (sorry I'm late)

I'm an idiot. One year has passed since my original post here on NegativeMode and I didn't mention a damn thing. What was I thinking? If there's one thing I'm good at, it's self congratulation.

So, even though this is 19 days belated (because, say it together now, I'm an idiot), Happy Birthday NegativeMode. I'm now one year older (as a blogger) and clearly, one year wiser.

I hope this year is as good as the next.

Read On Reader

According to an administrative law judge in New York, surfing the web during work hours is no reason to be fired. A reprimand is appropriate though.

Just thought that you should know. Not that any of you heathens actually feel bad for reading NegativeMode while you're supposed to be working.

Carry on with the web-surfing....

Sorry for the Absence.

I've been getting yelled at recently. I'm sure you know why. If you don't, it's because I haven't been posting very often on NegativeMode. It's true, I haven't and I'm sorry. Really, I am. There are few people I care about more than my readers. In fact, there are no people I care about more than my readers. I hate people. But not you, my readers.

So now I'm blogging. Unfortunately, I don't have anything to say. That's been the problem. Apparently, I've run out of ideas. That's not really true, but I've become more selective, and that's resulted in less posting by me. Quality over quantity. Not to say that this is quality, but I'm trying to explain to you.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm at Penn State. And when you're at Penn State, you drink. So, I'm going to get back to that. Until next time.

Happy Passover

Happy Passover to those of you who celebrate it. Happy Passover to those of you who don't celebrate. Don't forget, no bread....

Also, thank you to FatherMode for the picture.

I Got My Eye On You

Boot it Up Bronston

There are a few things that should be abundantly clear to you by now as readers of NegativeMode. These things are indisputable facts here in NegativeModeWorld.
1) Airplane II is the greatest movie ever.
2) Iceland is incredibly expensive.
3) DJ Skuggs has many poo stories.
4) Camp Lo is the greatest hip-hop duo of all time (quite possibly the greatest act in the history of music).

With that in mind, I present to you some groundbreaking news ... I have procured (completely legally as far as I know), a BRAND NEW Camp Lo jam ... wait for it ... Bed Rock. Here it is friends, all new Camp Lo for you. Back and as brilliant as ever. Maybe even PositiveMode will break his silence for this. Enjoy.

Eeeeewwwwwwwww

I think the title of this post (or violent wretching) is the best way to describe the sculpture pictured below. If you haven't already heard, artist Daniel Edwards has created a life size sculpture of Britney Spears -- and not just any sculpture -- "The life-size pop princess is naked and pregnant, crouching face-down on a bare-toothed bear rug as the baby's head appears on the opposite end."

I honestly can't think of a sculpture that I would less like to see than the one described in the preceeding sentence. The statute is supposed to support the pro-life agenda, but to me, it seems to be more supportive of the pro-vomiting agenda. I mean, I would have been the first one to tell you how hot Britney was in 2001, but now, the absolute last thing I want to see is a fat, trailor-trash, baby-mama crouching on a bear skin rug with a baby half popped out of her special place. If that isn't enough to cause you not to eat ever again, I don't know what is. Enjoy the picture, I can only imagine what it looks like from the other end (read more here).

Everybody Wang Chung Tonight

Sorry, but I couldn't pass up posting this link. It contains a list of the Top 10 Movie Music Videos from the '80s, with hits like "Danger Zone" from Top Gun and "Who's Johnny" from Short Circuit. Classic songs from classic movies. Oh, and I didn't even mention the best part ... the list has the actual videos for each song. Check it out, there's no way you won't enjoy this one.

A Dream Come True

Finally, I can swim in beer. Not figuratively, I've always been able to do that, but literally. According to zeenews.com, the world's first beer spa has been opened in the Czech Republic. The spa includes huge baths where visitors can swim in beer while enjoying a pint poured at a poolside bar. Now that's just fantastic.

Also, I don't care how unsanitary it may be, you know you're going to drink from the pool. How can you not? And once you start, there will be no stopping. I will go to this spa.

A Doo Doo Story - It's a Doosey

I really wish that I had more time to write right now, because I'd like to add some commentary here, but alas, I don't. I'll try to add some this evening, when I'm most likely a little tipsy. It should be better then anyway. So, without further adooooo:

One of the better poo stories I have read in a long time. Eat your heart out DJ Skuggs.

An Entirely New Topic

Since one of the main themes of this blog is beating you over the head with how much it costs to go to Iceland, here is a recent article from CNN.com that says just that (many thanks to PostitiveMode for the link). Basically, the article can be summed up in the final sentence: "This country is beautiful, the people are wonderful, but the prices stop you in your tracks." Agreed.

Just to be fair, I should point out that for all of the crap I write, and articles I link to, about how expensive Iceland is, I no doubt think that it's worth it. Although expensive, it is perhaps the most beautiful place I've ever been to. Also, I had some of the best times of my whole European vacation there. My advice to you: go to Iceland if you ever have the chance. If you don't have the chance, make one. Just save up before you go. . . .

Google Idol

Go to Google Idol. Watch, vote, enjoy, watch again. It's everything that is right about the internet.

Personally, I recommend Anthony & Kelly, performing Since You've Been Gone, by Kelly Clarkson. It's gold Jerry, gold!

Sorry For the Absence

I apoligize profusely for not updating NegativeMode for the past week (save Steak and BJ day). I was in Chicago. Not that being in Chicago would necessarily prohibit me from blogging, but in this case, it did.

I hope that everyone had a wonderful St. Patty's day. I was lucky enough to spend mine in Kincade's with thousands of my closest, tightly packed in friends. I consider it a pretty good day when I can drink in a bar all day, watch March Madness, and do who knows what afterwards. Good times.

Maybe I'll write more about the trip later ... maybe not. We'll see. Let me tell you this though, and I can't be more serious about this statement: You have not lived until you've heard PositiveMode play Breakaway, by Kelly Clakrson on the accordion ... MINDBLOWING!

Important Holiday Today, VERY Important

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Pop Art: Love It You Ingrates

Time again for another NegativeMode installment of Obscure European Artist (who's art I think is cool ("OEAwaitic")). Today's OEAwaitic is Julian Beever. Mr. Beever is an English sidewalk artist who creates 3d illusions on the sidewalk using a strictly 2d medium (he also does some wall murals and fine art paintings, and while they're all well and good, they not nearly as cool/impressive as the sidewalk art).

Anyway, here are two galleries of his pavement work. Maybe you've seen his work before (it's been floating around the internet on various webpages), but I think it's worth looking at again. I doubt this will cause as much of a brouhaha as the last OEAwaitic I posted about on here (although this OEAwaitic is named Beever), but enjoy nonetheless. Here are two of my favorites:

(the above one is made all the better by the guy wearing a Tony Blair mask)

Black, White

Did anyone else here watch Black, White last night on FX (aside from those of you reading from Afghanistan)? I did. For those of you who don't know what it is, it's a reality show where a white family from California is dressed up/painted to look like a black family, and a black family from Georgia is dressed up/painted like a white family. The families then live life as the opposite race in L.A. While this is going on, they actually live together in the same house (they aren't in costume while living together), share their experiences, and coach each other on being a member of the other race.

First, the make-up warrants mentioning. I'm really on the fence about how well "disguised" these people actually are. I think the kids are definitely passable. As for the parents, I'm not so sure. The black dad, in white-face, looks an awful lot like Eddie Murphy on that famous SNL skit where he dresses up as a white dude ("White Like Eddie"). It's really hard to judge what you would think in "real life" though. It's not like you'd actually walk up to a complete stranger and say "Hey, you look a whole lot like a black guy pretending to be white." So, I guess the make-up works.

As far as the show itself, I thought it was very interesting. I'm sure it's highly edited and contrived, but nonetheless, to me, it was an interesting look at race relations in the United States (even the confrontations between the two families when they aren't dressed up). As a cracker myself, I was downright embarrassed by the white parents. They seemed particularly out of touch to me. Their daughter, on the other hand, had a great attitude, really trying to immerse herself into a new culture. As far as the black family, I haven't really formed an opinion about them yet.

Finally, the thing that really stood out to me from the first episode was the differences not between the races, but between the generations. The children seemed much more accepting of all people and all cultures, while the adults, although not "racist" were certainly more aware of race. It seemed like the kids (18 and 16) were much more indifferent about race, saw past skin tone, and focused on people as people. Of course, that's a product of the vastly different times that both generations grew up in.

I could go on for a while, but I'm just rambling now, so I'll end with this: check out the show, at the very least, you'll be entertained. If you watched it last night, I'd love to hear your comments. . . .

EDIT: Here are the metacritic reviews of Black, White.

Singing the News and Interest Free Boobs

The Plastic Assets credit card, offered by the Bank of National Credit, allows aspiring young women to earn credit on all of their purchases towards a new set of breast implants. What a fantastic reward system. Those airline miles are so hard to redeem, why not work towards something we could all use, like bigger boobs? And it's not like this would in any way signify the end of civilization as we know it. Really, it's just a great new credit card for husbands to give their wives, college students who don't have any real income, or big spending hollywood stars. I think I'll apply for one for the future Misses ASAP. Make sure you read the testimonials for this great new card. (The site is a joke, but I, for one, think it's a fantastic idea.)

While we're on the subject of fantastic ideas, check out The Aural Times. It presents the day's top news stories in song. Now, I don't know about you, but I just hate reading the news, or worse yet, listening to those droll news announcers on TV and radio. Singing news makes all the difference. As a good example, listen to this song about the german cat that was found to have a deadly strain of the bird flu. Talk about a deadly melody!

Hammertime

MC Hammer has a blog. It's at www.mchammer.blogspot.com. It really is Mr. Hammer and he is incredibly verbose. I didn't take the time to read it, as I have actual stuff to do, but I think you should ... and then tell me what he has to say. I don't know what it is, but there's something that I like about that dude.

Another Time Waster -- You've Been Warned.

Apparently, this week NegativeMode has turned into a forum for spreading the joy of various time-wasting flash games. Sorry, but I've been too busy to really write anything. Anyway, here's today's addictive, time-wasting flash game: Splash Back.

Enjoy. We will return to our regularly scheduled programming shortly.

A Mayor For the Ages

I don't have anything to say again today, but in my never-ending quest to entertain, or, at the very least, provide a break from the monotony in your days, here's a picture of one of my favorite characters of all time, Mayor McCheese. I don't really know what happened to him, but man, was he cool. He'd have my vote in any election (I wonder if he was Democratic or Republican -- probably not Green).

If you're really bored, play this game. I thought it was stoopid at first, but man, like all flash games, it's pretty addicitve.

Free Flapjacks For Friends!

Tomorrow, Tuesday, February 28th is National Pancake Day ("Shrove Tuesday"). In honor of the holiday, IHOP is giving away free pancakes from 7 am - 2 pm. Click here for details (not the picture, which is lying to you about it's clickatude):

On February 28, 2006 from 7 AM to 2 PM IHOPs across the country will celebrate National Pancake Day (also known as Shrove Tuesday) by offering our guests a free short stack of pancakes*. This is going to be our biggest one day celebration in our history.

National Pancake Day has a rich history that stretches back centuries and has always been a time of celebration. National Pancake Day always falls on Fat Tuesday and this year it will be a celebration at IHOP.

So gather your friends, family and neighbors and come to your local IHOP and enjoy a short stack of pancakes on us. All we ask is that you consider making a donation to a great charity like First Book or other local, worthy cause. Where else would you celebrate National Pancake Day than IHOP? See you there.

* Limit one free short stack per guest. Valid for dine-in only, no to go orders. Not valid with any other offer, special, coupon, or discount. Valid at participating restaurants only, while supplies last.

NegativeMode = Emcee Squared?

This photo was recently uncovered from some of Einstein's lost papers. Damn that Einstein was a smart dude. Amuse yourself here.

Your Lonely Nights are 1/4 Over!

That thing to the left of this text that looks very similar to part of a dismembered (drawn and quartered maybe?) man is actually a pillow. It's sold at Overstock.com and it only costs $24.99.

More importantly though, it raises a lot of questions (in my mind at least). First and foremost, does anyone else think this pillow if pretty freaky? I can understand being used to sleeping in the bed with someone, but why not just turn a regular pillow sideways or use a blanket or something? Why use a quarter of a man. The most important parts are missing anyway (I realize that is highly debatable).

Second, would it be gay for me to sleep with that pillow (not that there's anything wrong with that)? Maybe, as a man, I really enjoy female company in my bed and can only get a truly restful sleep when there's a pretty lady beside me. Would it be okay for me to get this pillow to help me sleep? I think not, but maybe that's just silly and homophobic.

Anyway, for those of you who have trouble sleeping at night without another in your bed, this one's for you. Also, please order me one. Thanks.

An Undershirt for the Common Man

Back in May of 2005, I wrote about mens undershirts being called "wifebeaters" and whether or not that term would ever dominate everyday usage. I opined that we were, at the very least, twenty years away from using this slang to refer to a men's undershirts (or "a-frames" if you want to be more accurate). Well, maybe we're more than that.

Boston discount retailer Building 19 recently advertised a sale for "wifebeaters," and let's just say the reaction was less than positive. According to this article from WCVB-TV in Boston (where I also got the picture from), the flier went to far, and upset advocates for domestic violence victims. None of this is surprising, of course. Perhaps if Building 19 had been a regular reader of NegativeMode, they would have known that society isn't ready to publicly accept the widely used "wifebeater" in corporate communications. Nevertheless, I'm sticking to my prediction that twenty years or so down the road, you will see "wifebeater" on packages of undershirts ... just not yet.

Today's Entertainment

I don't really have anything to say today. I've been watching the first season of Lost, and that's really all I can think about. That show is like heroin. So if you're bored and looking for something to do (which is why I assume you are here), play this game, called Blueprint. It is addicting and incredibly frustrating (at least, it was for a simpleton like me). That should keep you busy for a while. If you're here looking for witty comments from me, sorry, I'm fresh out today.

Also, good luck to anyone out there taking the bar exam today.

Far Out Man

If you like drugs of any sort (or are currently on drugs of any sort) then you may want to check out this webpage. Also, if you're a hippy artist, you may like it too.

Happy President's Day.

To the Population of Earth: Enough with the Narnia-Rap Parodies!!

I'm going to keep this short so as not to distract from the very recent post on Lazy Sunday parodies appearing immediately below this, but enough is enough already.

Friday Rhyme Time

No doubt most of you are by now familiar with the Chris Parnell and Andy Samberg Chronicles of Narnia rap video from Saturday Night Live: Lazy Sunday. I think we can all agree that it's pretty good. What you may not be familiar with, however, is the West Coast response, Lazy Monday. And even if you are familiar with them, what do you know about the Midwest's response to both: Lazy Muncie? All three are pretty good in my opinion, but of the two copies, I like Lazy Muncie better -- awesome Jim Davis (Garfield creator) cameo. (In the interest of full disclosure, there are a few other ones out there but they're pretty terrible, so I'm not posting links.)

Also, here's the link to the Cheney's Got a Gun song, requested yesterday in the comments to the Sawyer song post.

Happy Friday. Enjoy the songs.

A Fascinating Fashion Find!

Upon stumbling across the Pantalaine website last night, my first reaction was amazement. Actually, it was closer to speechlessness. Was this product really for sale? Who would sell such a thing/things? More importantly, who would buy such a thing? Once I viewed all of their various products, however, my BS detector started immediately blaring in my head. I mean really, a jacket built for two people to wear so that they're always hugging? Jeans with a built in compartment on the leg to carry around your new-born child? A triple hoodie that allows three people to stare at each other all night? A dress that also functions as an afghan to cover the whole couch? I declare shenanigans!

However, even if you do think it's fake (I do), it's still brilliant. Take some time and peruse the online store at your leisure. They have some great products aside from the ones that I've listed above. Further, according to the website, they're located in South Bend, IN, home of Notre Dame. If anyone who reads this lives in South Bend, please do me a favor: let me know if they exist or not ... and if they do, please buy me a pair of sweatpants with four arms attached to them ... I really think the ladies would love the chance to rub my leg through my sweatpants while at the same time keeping their arms warm. Thanks.

Sawyer, Sawyer, Locke

I really, really like Lost.

Anyway, here's a link to the Sawyer, Sawyer, Locke song. If you watch Lost, maybe you'll find it funny, maybe not. If you don't watch Lost, maybe you'll find it funny, maybe not. Maybe it's not that funny at all, and I'm just tired and delirious. Either way, it's my blog, and I have nothing else to say, so I'm posting it. So tell me, funny/not funny?

Valentine's Day Greetings

My Valentine's Day cards to you, my readers (please choose which one is more apt):

OR

Thanks to I-Mockery.com for those classic cards. You can find about 15 others here, on their website. Happy Valentine's Day fo' real though. . . .

Kickin' it Wit My SoKo Homies

As you may or may not know, one of the best movies of all time is You Got Served. If you didn't know about that, well, you best recognize. Anyway, an absolutely fantastic movie (with some tremendous acting performances turned in by Omarion, J-Boog, and Lil' Fizz to name a few). Of course, you already know all of this. What you didn't know, was that b-boying is taking Korea by storm.

According to this article in the Korea Times, South Korean b-boys have been dominating international competition (raise your hand if you realized there even was international b-boy competition). South Korea loves kickin' it old skool so much, they've apparently have special b-boy plays. From the article:

SJ B-boys Theater, an exclusive theater for B-boy performances was built near Hong-ik University in Seoul. The performance hall of 500 audience seats is always crowded with those coming to see the performance "The Ballerina Who Fell in Love With a B-boy'' featuring the dynamic story of B-boys.

I thought for sure that the world had reached the pinacle of b-boy entertainment/media with the release of You Got Served. Who would have thought that there would be "The Ballerina Who Fell in Love With a B-Boy" showing at an exclusive theater in Seoul? Bravo South Korea. Bravo.