Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Questions Posed to You (Yes You).

Is it wrong for a man to use a bronzing moisturizing lotion? Is it wrong to even ask that question outside of the privacy of one's own home? I think the answers are "no" and "yes", in that order.

Have you ever walked down the street (or been on a train, bus, etc.) and thought, "I wonder if that guy is crazy, truly mentally insane. I mean, look at him, he must be. There is at least a 75% chance that guy is crazy," or something to that effect? I do all the time. Or at least I did all the time when I rode the metro daily. Point being, how many times do you think someone has looked at you and thought the same thing (or maybe, "I wonder if that guy is homeless?")? I'm sure people have thought I was crazy, although I don't know about homeless.

At what point in a relationship is it appropriate to tell someone that they have something in their teeth, on their face, etc.? The day you meet someone? Do you have to be good friends? Carnal knowledge?

Why does the river outside of my window look like it is flowing North when I know for a fact that it is flowing South (I don't think anyone can answer this without actually coming to my office and looking, but I'm perplexed nonetheless)?

I absolutely despise the phrase "to wit".

4 comments:

PositiveMode said...

This is one of your best posts yet.

PositiveMode said...

In response:

I don't think it's wrong to use a bronzing moisturizing lotion, and I think it's even less wrong to ask that question outside of your home; these things should be discussed in an open forum.

I have wondered if people are crazy, but I can't recall placing a percentage chance on it. People have probably thought I was crazy and homeless, probably more frequently than they have thought the same of you (at least when my hair was longer).

It takes a very long time to just tell someone they have something on their face. You can, however, probably after knowing someone for just a few hours, or maybe after the second time you see them, point at the area on your face that corresponds to the area of theirs that has something stuck on it and go "you've got someth..." and sort of trail off. It's a lot more blunt to just come out and say it without that little routine. Try it. (On a side note, I think you have to wait substantially longer, probably years before telling someone their breath stinks. Probably for a few reasons, that comes across as a much more serious personal indictment).

Perhaps your river appears to flow a different direction because the wind tends to blow North, causing the surface water to appear to move that way. That's just a guess.

I like the phrase "to wit", though I don't really know what it means, and can't recall ever using it myself.

ToneDogg said...

Jeez, everyone knows rivers don't flow, they meander. Do I have to take you back to highschool geography?

djskuggs said...

i liked this post, as well. i have my own question. well, it's not really my question, but i'm posting it, as well as the sports guy's answer:

Q: Please help settle a long-standing debate a friend and I have going. How far did Zack Morris get with Kelly Kapowski?
-- Jonathan Chavez, Cambridge, Mass.


SG: I was thinking about bothering my new ESPN colleague Mario Lopez with this one (sorry, I just had to see how that looked in print) before deciding to take this one myself. I don't think Zack sealed the deal until the "College Years" ... and that show never happened. So I'm going with third base. And I mean "third base" in the context of when the show happened (the early-'90s), not what "third base" means now, which is probably something like "a threesome that isn't videotaped."