Wednesday, June 28, 2006

River Flow Dynamics, Tidal Straits, and Flooding

As those of you who regularly read this blog know, my office windows face the mighty Susquehanna River. When I first began working here, I posted a few times how it appeared that the River was flowing in the wrong direction (North instead of South) or completely stagnant. I found this pretty interesting, but utlimately decided it was just due to the wind; the River always flows North to South.

Well, you can imagine my surprise when, two weekends ago, I stumbled across a river whose flow shifted throughout the course of the day. Twice to be exact. I happened to be staying on Roosevelt Island in New York City, which is situated directly in the middle of the East River. Being the amateur river-flow enthusiast that I am, I noticed that the River was flowing North to South. However, later in the day, I noticed that the river was now flowing South to North. At first I was mystified and confused. Surely this "river" couldn't have switched directions in the middle of the day. I made it a point to note the direction of the river flow each time I looked at it. Sure enough, the East River changed directions again, back to North to South. Turns out, this is because the East River is not actually a river at all, but rather, a tidal strait. Thus, it changes direction twice a day with the tides. Fascinating, huh?

Anyway, back to my local River, the mighty Susquehanna. With the recent rains here on the East Coast, the river is swelling and predicted to flood sometime tonight or tomorrow. Normally, the River is between 4-5 feet deep outside of my window, but this morning, when I arrived at work, the River was at 11 feet. Since I've been here, the level has risen another 4 feet to 15 feet. At 17 feet, the River is at flood stage. The National Weather Service says the River should crest at 20.5 feet. Sadly, I won't be in the office tomorrow to watch the River crest. Oh well. At least I was able to take a walk down to the River at lunch today to get a closer look....

This ends my ramblings on river flows and levels. Enjoy your day.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Need Extra Incum?

I know that most of my readers are unemployed, degenerate gamblers, and recovering (and non-recovering) alcoholics, so I figured you could use some extra cash in your pocket for whatever it is you do with your cash. Well, what better way to earn cash than as a semen taster? From

Online sex toy retailer is advertising what could be the most unusual job ever. The company is searching for a sexually active couple who will be
prepared to test a new pill designed to change the taste of semen.The pill, which is taken as a twice-a-day for 30 days, claims to mask the traditionally salty taste of male ejaculate with a refreshing apple-like flavour.

Successful applicants will take the pill for 30 days and will use an online blog to provide a blow-by-blow account of how the taste of their partner's sexual fluid changes."A payment is offered," says LoveHoney test organiser Ali Carnegie, "But this is really a job that people should do for love rather than money."Couples who are interested in the position can apply by completing the Sperm Tester application form on the LoveHoney Web site. The test product is 100% vegetarian. Both straight and gay couples are encouraged to apply. is the UK’s leading women-friendly online sex toy retailer, forging the way for women to buy sex toys confidently, comfortably, and at the lowest prices in the UK. Brother site continues to do the same for gay men the world over.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Take a Journey

I don't have anything to say, but watching this video should make your day. If it doesn't, well, you're dead inside.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Is It Me You're Looking For?

This post is a present for PositiveMode, who has refused to comment on NegativeMode since he resigned as a contributor (which I didn't elaborate on (and also deleted his resignation post), thereby causing confustion as to whether he was "let go" or resigned). Perhaps this will change his mind....

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

We Bad, We Know It, We Bad, We Show It

At first, I had no idea who that fat man in the forground of the picture was. Clearly (or maybe not to non-Saved By The Bell ("SBTB") addicts) that is none other than Samuel "Screech" Powers in the background, but who's the portly gentleman in the front. Why, it's your friendly school Principal Richard Belding, who has apparently eaten his younger brother Rod since SBTB went off the air.

The Boston Globe online recently (I think yesterday, but maybe Sunday) published a little photo piece entitled For Whom the Bell Tolls (clever guys) with a paragraph or two updating us on the current exploits of Mr. Belding, Screech, Lisa, Jessie, Kelly, Slater, and, of course, Zack (It's Z-A-C-K Boston Globe writers (and DJ Skuggs), not Z-A-C-H. Unacceptable.) They're a tad harsh on some of the gang, but oh well. I wasn't going to link to the article until I saw the monstrous new Dennis Haskins. Impressive Denny. Also, the Globe article was conspicuously missing updates on Tori Scott, Violet Anne Bickerstaff, Mr. Tuttle, Scud/Ox, Muffin Sangria, Stacey Carosi, and Jonny Dakota. Oh well.

Also, I didn't forget about my promise to write about river-flow dynamics. I know you can't wait.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

A Preview of a River Flow Discussion

I've used this site before as a forum for my musings about river direction. Previously, those musings have always been in regard to the river that I can see outside of my office window. If you remember (which you probably do not), there was a while when I thought the river was going the wrong way. Turns out it was just windy, so it looked like it was flowing the wrong way. The point of all of this is to remind you of my affinity for staring at rivers confronting river flow questions and dilemmas. This affinity was re-stirred this weekend when I was in NYC. I encountered the most unique river-flow-directional question yet. What is this question? I'll tell you later. I don't feel like writing about it now, because it will require some links and research (that I've already done) that I'm too tired to do now.

Also, I think I have some more Jack the Ripper comments. I most certainly don't have any Iceland-extreme-price comments today, but if you'd like some, I can work on that. Thanks.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Screech and the Bathroom

First, I'd like to draw your attention to This is a website created by Dustin Diamond, i.e., Samuel "Screech Powers" from Saved By the Bell. He's created this website to express his sob story about how his home is being foreclosed and he wants your (our) money. I'd feel bad for him, except that he comes off as a big asshole in pretty much any interview you can find with him (this example, which I linked to before, is a very good example (he has an unnatural hatred of Slater) or this example). Since that's the case, I don't really care if he loses his house. That being said, it's still pretty funny that he's losing his house and made a website. You should check it out.

Second, a random thought: Sometimes I wash my hands before I go to the bathroom, you know, just to change things up.

Friday, June 09, 2006

The Monkey Chow Diaries

Now that Blogger seems to be somewhat functional again, I'd like to point out a very funny, and actually somewhat poignant website: The Monkey Chow Diaries.

In short, this guy, Adam, on what appears to be a dare/experiment, has decided to eat nothing buy Monkey Chow for a week (basically dog food, but for primates). He chronicals his week through videos posted on the link above and also through a blog. I encourage you to read it all and watch the videos. They're very funny. More importantly though, what turned out to be a stupid experiment by some guy, egged on by his buddy, has brought international attention to the people in this world, and there are more than anyone would like to think about, who are actually starving. Although Adam may be "starving", eating monkey chow for a week is more nutrition than millions of people in this world are getting.

Anyway, I'll be getting off my horse now. Check out the site though, it's funny and, more importantly, he talks a lot about the consistency and smell of his poo. I know that's all you clowns want to know about anyway.

Special thanks to Trizzout for pointing me to the Monkey Chow Diaries.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Some Phallogy For Ya

When PositiveMode and I were in Iceland, we attempted to go to Iceland's Institute of Phallogy. I guess the idea was to see how we compared to our friends in the animal kingdom. Unfortunately, after searching the streets of Reykjavik for the Institute (including fighting over who would ask the hotel receptionist where the Penis Museaum was), we gave up. How could our guide book have lead us so astray? Well, the Philadelphia Inquirer answered that question for me yesterday in this article: apparently, the Institute was moved two years ago from Reykjavik to Husavik, so we missed it by about a year. Oh well, at least that clears up that little mystery. If you'd like to learn a little more about Iceland's Institute of Phallogy and penises in general, check out the article in the Inquirer.

Of course, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that today is 6/6/06, the day of the Beast or the end of the world, or some other such nonsense. Here's an article dispelling some of the myths behind that diabolic number.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Attn: Fatties

Today is free doughnut day at Krispy Kreme. Go get one. You know you want one. Your belt has another notch....