Saturday, December 31, 2005
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Thanks to NicoleMode for taking the picture. She was wearing a yellow version of the outfit, but unfortunately, we don't have that picture.
Edit: In winter, when it is too cold to wear our crime-fighting outfits outdoors, we put on our exo-uniforms, grab our little poking sticks and poorly constucted chairs and slide across frozen lakes. It passes the time:
Friday, December 23, 2005
This begs the question, of course, how much does Santa make? As those of you who have read NegativeMode before know, NegativeMode has been to Iceland (read about that lovely trip here and here, with pictures here), and let me tell you, it is the most expensive place on Earth. I won't go into that again, because I know I've mentioned how expensive it is there at least 15 times on this blog, but really, how does Santa afford it? He's not salaried that I'm aware of. My only guess is that he drives the $80 "supersaver" shuttle from the airport to Reykjavik. Now that's quite a racket. No way he's getting that fat in the land of $30 pizzas and $20 chicken breasts without a cushy, well-paying job. Also, I'd like to point out that I didn't see Santa once when I was there, but that's probably because according to the Reuters article, he lives in Dimmuborgir, a remote area of northern Iceland, that I did not have the pleasure of visiting.
Finally, I'd recommend reading the article, if for nothing else than to laugh at the silly Nordic nations that are a fussin' and a feudin' as to in whose country Santa actually lives (even though St. Nicholas actually lived in present day Turkey).
For those of you that can't read, here is an image of a South Korean postman Santa that has nothing to do with the story, but that Reuters decided should be on the same page (I do admit, it's an amusing picture):
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Speaking of which, I know I've been slacking with the posts, but I've made a Christmas resolution to start posting more regularly. The problem is, I have some standards, so I don't like to throw any crap up here (which it may seem like I often time do). I'd rather sacrifice quantity for quality. Also, I'm busy running the Commonwealth.
Finally, I've never mentioned the link to your right entitled "NegativeMode Map." It is exactly that: a map of where my readers are located (along with mustachioed pictures). Take a second and click on the link and put yourself on the map. Better yet, add a picture of yourself with a mustache. They're funny.
That's all. Read Kabulog and come back here often. I know you're bored anyway. Oh, here's a picture I stole from Kabulog because I know that many of you can't read and just like to look at pictures:
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
For those of you who may not have the reflexes and speed that I do, I'd encourage you to purchase James McAdam's bedside table. Why? Because, Mr. McAdam's table is no ordinary table. Rather, it is a club and shield to provide you with a medieval defense against intruders (I don't really know what to tell you if they have a gun. Pray?). Just look at it:
Pretty awesome huh? No way you're going to get robbed or attacked when you swiftly disassemble your table and attack like so. I'm 99.8% certain it's better than a gun.
Product page here.
Monday, December 19, 2005
10. Penile Length Contraction
9. Penile Black Hole Formation
8. Penis Vaproisation
7. Relatavistic Flaming Semen
6. Time-Dialated Necrophilia
5. Lack of Visual Appeal
4. Religious Values
3. Property Damage
2. Deafening Sonic Booms
1. Excessive Dietary Requirements
Thursday, December 08, 2005
"Go Shorty, It's Your Bat Mitzvah." "We gonna party like it's your bat mitzvah".... Recently 50 Cent followed in enemy Ja Rule's footsteps by performing at a posh bat mitzvah. The party which was held at The Rainbow Room in NYC, was thrown by David H. Brooks, CEO for DHB Industries, a company that manufactures bullet proof vests. According to the NY Daily News' Lowdown column 50 was paid $500,000 to perform 5 songs for Brooks' daughter Elizabeth. Meanwhile during his act (where he actually did switch up the lyrics of "In Da Club" to "go shorty it's your bat mitzvah") 50's bouncers reportedly blocked party goers from taking pictures, as well as Brook's personal cameramen. One witness said that the Queens rapper "and his posse smelled like an open bottle of Hennessy," while also adding that he spotted a naked woman waiting for 50 in his limo as he exited the club. Oy vey. Curtis "Interscope" Jackson wasn't the only performer that night, R&B rookie of the year Ciara, and celebrity DJ AM also made an appearance along with sets from classic rock legends Stevie Nicks of Fleetwood Mack, Tom Petty, Don Henley and Joe Walsh of The Eagles, Aerosmith, and smooth jazz OG Kenny G. Brook's paid an estimated $10 million for the event.
Also, here are pictures from the bat mitzvah. NO WAY those chicks are 13 (check out some of the pictures at the end). I'd say A LOT more, but I'll limit my comments there for fear of jail time (seriously, look at those pictures).
Also, from the obvious column, it may be a bad idea to engage in oral sex when you have braces. True. It also may be a bad idea to keep razor blades in your underwear. Who knew?
Friday, December 02, 2005
With the growing popularity of personal firearms carry among motorcyclists, it's important to find the weapon that best meets our rather specific self defense needs. On occasion, a drunk driver or a car driver experiencing road rage will purposefully ram a motorcycle, which never works out well for the motorcyclist.
Use your superior agility and acceleration to evade the car if you can. However, because the driver is attacking the motorcyclist with a deadly weapon (the car), the motorcyclist is legally entitled to defend him or her self with lethal force, probably a firearm. Will you ever be in this situation? Let's hope not. But should you be, here are some suggestions that might just keep you alive:
My favorites are points 5 and 6:
5. If you decide to fire, FIRE AT THE DRIVER, NOT THE CAR. Obvious in retrospect, make sure you decide to fire at the driver before you engage to avoid time-consuming, and therefore dangerous, mistakes.
6. Once you hit the driver, get away from the car! The car could go ANYWHERE at that point, and the farther you move away from it, the less likely it is to accidentally hit you.
Read on here.