Friday, May 26, 2006

Am I Man or Cat?

There have been two flys, one big, one small, buzzing around my home for the past two days. Flys, while not particularly harmful, are annoying. These flys were annoying me.

Last night, the big one made a fatal mistake. As I was laying in bed, watching TV, he dared to fly within arms reach of me. With the quickness of a cougar I spun, snagged, and caught. He never saw me coming. I threw him into the toilet and flushed him. This morning, as I prepared my bowl of Cocoa Crispies, the small fly committed the same error as his larger brethren. He flew within my reach. BAM. I grabbed him out of the air in the first try and threw him as hard as I could into the sink. He was done. Before yesterday, I don't know that I've ever snatched a fly out of mid-air. Those little buggers are quick. Then, within a 12 hour span, I snagged two; both on the first try. Maybe I'm gaining some sort of super powers. I don't know where this quickness and deadly accuracy came from. Maybe I have other powers that I don't know about. I think tonight I'll get into a bar fight and see what happens. See what these other powers are. Whatever. I just know that if you're a fly and you're reading this, stay the hell away from my home. I'm deadly.

On a somewhat related note. When I was younger, one of my friends was barbecuing with his father on their deck. A songbird landed on the railing near the grill. As it took off to fly away, my friend's dad, in one swift motion, dropped his spatula, snagged the bird out of mid-air, snapped its neck, and threw it to the ground. He then grunted to my friend, "Clean up bird." What an amazing display of both quickness and brutality. They were Russian immigrants. I've always been awed by that display.

5 comments:

Q. A. Shah said...

Perchance, would the title of this current post be a title of the next mime act?

Circe said...

I once caught a baseball our horrifying evil pitcher of our baseball team in highschool. He was booed as he came out after his name was called and in response threw out a 90 mph into the crowd.

Caught it right before it hit my friend in the face. Still have no idea how I did this with no glove and no general coordination. Plus I didn't realize I had done it until people were staring at me and I looked down and saw the ball in my hand.

dj skuggs said...

but can you do it with chopsticks?

Circe said...

Maybe if I stop suppressing my super-human powers and tap into the true power of the Dark Side.

NegativeMode said...

Yes, I think this post would be better told in the timeless art of mime. I'll see if I can't put something together.