Saved By The Smell

As you all know, I like to report on all things Screech in this space. The guy is pretty interesting and seems like quite an ass. As you also may or may not know, there is now a Screech sex tape making the rounds. I haven't seen it, nor do I plan to, but I would be remiss if I didn't alert you to this new Screech related development.

You can read about it here, and here, and here.

Ewww.

A Fraudulent Conundrum

I saw a billboard today offering a $25,000 reward for reporting insurance fraud.* That got me thinking, obviously insurance fraud is a fairly commonplace crime (feel free to do your own research if you wish; you can start at www.insurancefraud.org), but, for $25,000, I'm sure there are people out there who've contemplated insurance fraud reporting fraud. In fact, I'm confident that there have been people who have actually committed insurance fraud reporting fraud, possibly even pocketing the $25,000. My searches for "insurance fraud reporting fraud" and "reporting insurance fraud fraud" didn't really turn up much, so as far as I can tell, there is not research as of yet on the amount of insurance fraud reporting fraud that goes on in this country (in either English or Spanish), so I am using my bully pulpit (I'm not sure whether or not a blog counts as a bully pulpit or not. Probably not, but whatever.) to call for a study. I can only imagine how much we, as Americans, are forced to pay each year due to people reporting fraudulent insurance fraud.

What is even scarier, however, is that we run into a slippery slope of sorts, or a Gordian knot, (or some other intellectually frightening moniker in that vein) in that if we create hotline with rewards with which to report insurance fraud reporting fraud, the frauders will simply move one layer deeper, moving on to insurance fraud reporting fraud reporting fraud and so on and so forth. You can see the problem here. I've seen it and I'm not sure what to do about it. Whatever, I'm sure good old American ambivalence (or NegativeMode ambivalence, if those two are not, indeed, mutually exclusive) will prevail.

* I can't be 100% certain that this is what the billboard actually said, as it was in Spanish, but I'm fairly certain based on my limited Spanish skillz and the picture in the ad. I guess I could be wrong, and it could have been an ad for a $25,000 car that has been in an accident, but I doubt that.

Completely Unrelated Topic: I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but whenever you run spellcheck in Blogger and your post contains the work "blog," the spellchecker highlights "blog" and instead suggests "bloc." Apparently, the word "blog" is not recognized by the Blogger spellchecker. That, my friends, is silly, ridiculous, and ironic.

You've Got to be Kidding Me

I'm not sure how many of you are able to watch television at noon on a weekday, but nevertheless, I feel obligated to point out the terrible injustice perpetrated on the viewing public by TBS at midday. In the past, the noon to one o'clock hour on TBS entertained us all with two episodes of Saved By The Bell. I can't think of a better way to greet the afternoon than with the gang from Bayside High. Even if you aren't home at lunch, you can always tivo the episodes for later enjoyment.

Well, I'm not sure when they did it, or what brilliant marketing genius over at TBS made the call, but for some reason the channel switched from SBTB to Becker. Becker!?! Seriously, what a heaping piece of poop show. I could understand switching to Friends, Seinfeld, Sex in the City, Mash, Teletubbies, the Cosby Show, Fresh Prince, etc., etc., etc., but Becker? Why not personally come to the home of every TBS lunchtime viewer and smear dog poo on our faces? Personally, I'd find that less offensive.

So, if any TBS executives are reading this (I'm sure there must be a few), please put down the pipe and switch back to SBTB. Other than Ted Danson and his kids, no one wants to watch Becker. Seriously, no one. Thanks.

Moustache Storage

Speaking of moustaches, it is weird that I have a drawer devoted solely to my fake moustaches? I mean, one has to have somewhere to put one's moustaches, right? You wouldn't want your fake moustaches comingling with rubberbands or marbles or chicken bones.

Wax

I was at the CVS today, and after much searching, I was able to locate Pinaud moustache wax. Now, I don't have a moustache, nor if I did would I necessarily use moustache wax (although there is a good chance I would for formal occasions like, say, a Christening or Pinochle league games). However, if I did have a moustache and use wax for grooming said moustache, I would certainly entrust my wax needs to no brand other than Pinaud. It comes with a tiny moustache comb for applying the wax. I'm glad CVS carries Pinaud moustache wax. It's comforting.

Maestro

For those of you who don't know, my real name is Bob Cobb.

You, however, may call me Maestro.

Trip to the Store

I just walked over to the Safeway (grocery store) for some pizza sauce. My wife is going to make me a pizza bagel (one for her too). So I walked over and got pizza sauce. I saw while I was there, though, that Ragu was on sale, so I bought three jars. I figure that they don't go bad unopened so it's all good. Anyway, I went to the checkout, paid for my pizza sauce and three jars of Ragu and picked up my bag (the checkout lady bagged my items for me) to leave. Now, apparently, the Safeway ran out of normal grocery bags, so my four jars were placed in a large, white, kitchen trash bag. I walked out of Safeway with a giant trashbag (30-gallon I think) with four jars of tomato sauce in it. It was really weird. Just thought I'd share.

Hello From Punta Cana

Good day all. Mia and I are in the Dominican Republic. Normally, on a honeymoon, I doubt one would blog. However, seeing as how I love you all, I´m taking a break from the love-making to blog. Not really. I needed to check something on the internet and you can only purchase internet usage in 1/2 hour increments. Thus, now that I have finished my business (setting up a deep sea Marling-fishing expedition), Mia and I have 20 internet minutes to kill.

Accordingly, I will tell you about Punta Cana. First, the keyboard is exceedingly difficult to use. Second only, I´d say, to Iceland. Second, it is hot as balls. Something like 90 degrees but 354% humidity. This is okay, because the pool here is over 400 meters. More of a lagoon, really. Also there is an ocean, or a sea, I´m not sure. I think the sea, but don´t hold me to that. Third, I am somewhat drunk. Seeing as how this is all inclusive, beer and liquor being included, one is compelled to indulge in said indulgences. Fourth, I´m sick of sitting here trying to use up internet time. Instead, I´ll write a limerick:

There once was a man from Punta Cana,
who really enjoyed Punta Cana.
He went to the beach,
And really enjoyed the beach,
And afterward said, "I like Punta Cana."

That´s for you PostiveMode. Seacrest out.

P.S. From the new Mrs. Negativemode: Matt really cannot go a day without posting...even somewhat shitfaced.
P.P.S. I really can go a day without posting, as you all well know. As I said before, we have 20 minutes to kill.

P.P.P.S. We are going to the bar (says Mrs. NegativeMode). Later suckers.

Sorry Ladies, NegativeMode is Spoken For

Well, I'm married now. I'd love to post pictures of the wife (wife!) and I, but I don't have any right now. Instead, I'll post a picture of PositiveMode and I looking quite dapper.


Also, I have to apoligize, but I won't be posting again until next week, as I'm headed to the Dominican Republic for my honeymoon. I'll leave you with this link to the Princeton Review's top party schools for 2007.

Hu Flung Pu

For some reason I haven't been able to blog from my primary computer, hence, the lack up updates. I'm sorry. I can only imagine the disappointment you must feel when you open NegativeMode only to see the same post for days on end. Unfortunately, due to my pending nuptials, I haven't had any time to be creative and think of things to post. Really all I have time to do is think about thing I have to get ready or pick up or pay for. Regardless, here's a true story, from Reuters to amuse you:

BERLIN (Reuters) - Thieves in Germany stole 7,500 euros ($9,554) from a man by throwing feces at him from behind and then pick-pocketing him while they pretended to help clean up the mess, authorities said Monday.

After withdrawing 8,000 euros from a bank for a holiday the man was struck in the back of the neck by what he described as human feces, police in the central town of Giessen said.

"Immediately afterwards two large women came up to him from behind and claimed they had seen someone excreting down onto the street from above," police said in a statement.

The two women then began briskly wiping the filth from the man's clothing with paper towels they had with them. They were soon joined by a third man, who also came bearing paper towels.

Only when the man went to take his foul-smelling trousers to cleaners did he notice that 7,500 euros had been taken from his back pocket by one of the would-be helpers, police said.

Now that, my friends, is a quality robbery. And, if you're still bored, try this. The highest I've gotten is 20. Simple, but strangely addicting (I guess anything is when you're trying to kill time).

Doo Doo Pie

This is one of my favorite skits from SNL. I've never been able to find it on the web before today, so I thought I'd share it with you. Not only is it funny, but it's great to compare Britney from that skit (May 13, 2005) with Britney from today.

Borat

This is the trailer for the new Borat movie due out this fall (November 3, 2006). I truly can't wait.

The Flava of Love

Ok, disregard the post immediately below this one. I've found a show on TV that is even better than So You Think You Can Dance (although I'm still a big fan). While I said that SYTYCD is my favorite show of the summer, the new show might be my favorite show of all time. What show am I talking about? The Flava of Love of course (new shows 10pm Sundays on VH1). In a nut shell, the show is Flava Flav of Public Enemy fame dating various women who live in his house with him in a "the Bachelor" type format. Truly riviting television. You really gotta watch it to believe it. Last night was the premere of the second season (you can watch the entire first season here). We have truly reached the pinnacle of television with Flava of Love. I just can't see it getting any better. . . .

Errata

I'll admit it, my favorite show of the summer, by far, is So You Think You Can Dance. It's awesome and I love it. I don't care what you say about me, it rocks. I think I should have becomce a professional hip-hop dancer. There's still time. . . .

Also, I just smelled my pants again (I still haven't worn them (it's been way too hot)) and they still smell really nice. Maybe I'll get to wear them this weekend or something.

Stay cool.

Montreal Follow-Up

Well, Montreal, save the USAir debacle (get this, my flight home was also cancelled because they couldn't start the plane (seriously) and I was stuck in Montreal overnight and missed work. As I said before USAir is horrendous (customer service in particular)), was excellent. Very beautiful city, fun time, and great weather. The international fireworks competition finale happened to be on Saturday night, which was really amazing. I'll post some pictures of the trip this evening. That is all.