Dear W. Walsh:
Our records indicate that despite our sending you two previous requests for payment, we still have not received payment for your subscription order.
If we don't receive your payment by return mail, we must suspend service of your issues.[Reader Note: I think they already started doing this, and if I never see this magazine again, good riddance, as you will see why in the next paragraph]
We don't want to do that. I'm sure you don't want us to. Each week, we've been sending you a fresh, bright, new issue of The New Yorker, packed with stimulating articles, captivating stories, a special sophisticated humor you won't find anywhere else. Without it, chances are your life (and you) won't be quite as interesting anymore.
But that's up to you, W. Walsh.
Unfortunately, my check passed this notice in the mail and I guess I'll be subscribing to the magazine. On the upside, those who know me will get to enjoy another two years of interestingness on my part. Enjoy.