Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Travel Warning

I know that many of my readers are avid travelers, and that several of you are going on exotic trips this August following your respective state bar exams. As NegativeMode is concerned first with your safety (second with Camp Lo), the following travel advisory is offered: don't sleep on your stomach in Zanzibar. Why? Because Popo Bawa will get you!

You may be wondering who Popo Bawa is. Well, those of you skilled in Indian Oceanic Superstition know that Popo Bawa is a bat-like ogre who anally rapes men, women, and children. The only known way to keep Popo Bawa away is to read the Koran. Popo Bawa likes to attack behind closed doors, and local peoples' belief in the sodomizing gremlin's unnatural lust is so strong that entire villages will sleep outside so as to avoid unwanted "sex in an uncomfortable place" (like the back of a volkswagen). According to Reuters, "Some attacks were heralded by the sound of giant wings and claws rattling and scraping on huts' tin roofs. Others cringed in terror at what sounded like a car engine ticking over." So, if you're in Zanzibar, and you hear a car starting, pucker up tight, 'cause you know whatsacomin'.

As if this sodomizing gremlin wasn't strange enough, the apparition's sexually voracious appetitie is most active during election time. It makes no difference which party wins the election, Popo Bawa is apolitical, "he can strike even if the opposition wins the elections." (Reuters, BBC). With elections coming up in October of this year, Popo Bawa may be on the prowl for some fresh American tail, so please dear readers, read the Koran and sleep outside (and on your back) when in Tanzania, because Popo Bawa may come looking for you . . . unless, of course, you like that sort of thing. . . .

1 comment:

Circe said...

Better tip for traveling...don't take drugs from wierd religious fanatics in Zanzibar. You could wake up with a bat-freak on your ass.