Monday, April 18, 2005

Ass Cleavage

The temperature is supposed to reach almost 80 today, and as beautiful weather is want to do, it has lured the befrocked women out hiding and into their summer wardrobes. That got me thinking. It is cleavage season. And by that, I mean in the pectoral sense. This time of year always brings out "the twins". It did when I was in high school, it did when I was in college, and it continues to do so today.

What didn't come out in high school and college was the ass cleavage. When did this phenomenon take place? I know when I was in high school in the mid-nineties there was nary an apple-bottom in sight. Asses were supposed to be small (Sir Mixalot notwithstanding) and they were most definitely supposed to be covered. Even in college in Happy Valley, where summer brings out 10,000 pieces of eye-candy between the ages of 18 and 22 I don't really remember that much upper-ass crack basking in the sun. All of a sudden (and I mean within the past two or so years), I see ass cleavage everywhere I look. I'm certainly not complaining. It's great (there is, of course, a limit to the greatness, as there is certainly such a thing as too much back, but the good ass-cleavage makes up for the bad ass-cleavage).

Anyway, I tried to do some internet research on ass-cleavage, and I was rewarded with twenty pages of porn listings (there is apparently a pornographic series "Ass Cleavage", and it goes up to at least Volume 3 as far as I can tell. You can order it, or read about it, here.). After narrowing my searches to non-porn listings (I'm in the cafeteria at school, so I'll have to "research" the porn listings in my "alone time"), I was able to come up with this article from discussing the evolution of ass cleavage. It's very interesting and answered most of my questions. If you don't want to read it, fine, but ladies (all 3 of you who read this), don't forget...

"The derriere isn't a body part as much as an embodiment of personality"

... the proper grooming of your behind no longer begins and ends at the gym. No, no: The newly revealed ass must be treated to an entire beauty regimen of its own. You must wax your bootie to eliminate all unsightly hairs that might peep from between your cheeks. You must massage your buttocks daily to "remove excess water and facilitate lymphatic drainage, causing the skin to plump, making dimpling less noticeable," says Elle. Your butt must be tan, but not sun-damaged, making G-string beach sessions problematic and self-tanning lotions a must. And don't forget to moisturize and exfoliate to eliminate embarrassing acne."

Ladies, please take heed to that advise, beacuse if you don't, I'll just have to go back to staring at your chest....

1 comment:

Circe2020 said...

Now that is just funny.

I was an early pioneer in the ass-cleavage look...but that was only because I couldn't find jeans to fit me...small waist=too big waistban.
I still struggle to keep the ass-cleavage from coming out..cause now that it is popular..I think it is extremely tacky. And what is up with girls with (GLH)Girl Love Handles being the ones to be prancing around M street showing it off the most? I don't want to see that. Accept your body for what it is and move on.
I was just in New Orleans where one of the female bartenders actually pulls her pants down just for that purpose..granted she is REALLY beautiful and dating a Saints football player..but we still tried to hint that she might want to pull her pants up a tad.

I may have a great ass, but I'm not showing it to the world. (three snaps in a Z formation)