I am not an alcoholic....

A week or two ago I went to the doctor for the first time in about two years. It was a new doctor, so I had to fill out one of those new-patient questionaires. Inevitably, one of the questions was how many drinks do you consume per week. This question always makes me feel like I drink too much, and I, as I'm sure many of you reading this do, rounded down quite drasticly in providing an answer. I went with six drinks a week. In order for that average to be correct, I'd probably have to quit drinking for 2-3 months. The real average is probably closer to 15 (keep in mind that's an average of weeks like spring break (80+ drinks) and weeks when I have a paper due (0-1 drinks).

The point of this little story is that things like that little question make me feel like I drink too much. Then I read a story like this, and I immediately realize that no matter how many 40 oz. bottles of liquor I tape to my hands, I don't have a problem . . . yet. The story from the 4.10.05 edition of the Buffalo News:

Brandy Theft Suspect Arrested with Straw

City police say a man stole a case of liquor from an East Side store, dropped and shattered the bottles as he fled, but later returned with a straw to suck up the booze that had pooled on the ground.

Thomas L. Hunter, 55, who does not have a permanent address, stole a case of brandy while a worker for Eber Brothers Wine and Liquor Distributors was making a delivery Friday afternoon to Eastside Liquor, 1819 Genesee St., according to Buffalo police.

Hunter ran down Genesee (Note the irony here. I originally thought that "Genesee" referred to the beer. Upon closer inspection, its just the street that served as this man's drinking platform -Ed.) with the brandy, which has a value of $270, but tripped and fell, smashing the case and the bottles on the ground, Officer Richard C. Lopez said.

Soon, Hunter reappeared with a straw, got on his knees and began sucking up whatever brandy he could, Lopez said.

Hunter tried to push Lopez and run away before he was arrested and charged with criminal mischief.

Reading that story makes me feel better about myself (note: this is not a commentary on homelessness or society's other problems although that is a strong undercurrent in this story that deserves its own entry. I, however, am not the one to write that entry. Maybe on PositiveMode). 15 drinks a week, or even 20, is much better than drinking spilt liquor off of a street named after a beer, and so I feel better.