Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Continuing Education: Ph.D in BJs

On May 4th, during the San Fransisco Sex Worker Festival, members of the world's oldest profession will be able to take refresher courses at the one and only Whore College, presumably to brush up on their fellatiaitc, sodomatic, and orgasmic skillz. You can even get a scholarship. I have no idea how you apply, but I'm guessing you'll need to provide more than a 500 word essay.

The morning class, "Sex Worker Well-Being," includes sex worker stretches (legs? back? jaws?), Safer Oral Sex Techniques (Note to PositiveMode: I'm not sure, but I believe use of teeth results in a failing grade), "'Six Herbs that Can Cure Anything' with a focus on genital health" (apparently, while the rest of the world has no cure for herpes, HIV, or AIDS, these hookers can cure anything with just six herbs. Sweet!), and Spiritual Tools (Instructor: Aphrodesia (seriously)).

The early afternoon class is Self-Defense, including boundary roleplays. Now, I know most of us have a problem with people crossing personal boundaries that we set up, and personal space is not to be trifled with, but how does a boundary roleplay between two whores go? "Excuse me, you've only paid to grope X, Y, and Z, how dare you lick A?" "I'm sorry, here's an additional $17, hope that clears up any problem." "Sure does, lick away." I'd imagine it's something like that.

Other afternoon courses include a panel discussion on Beauty Standards (sorely needed in the biz as DJ Skuggs has informed me), the Business (they still need an instructor for "Legal Standards", so all you law students out there looking for some extra income, this may be the way to go, although I don't know if they pay with cash....), and Advanced Courses in Sexuality and Erotic Touch (I guess it's assumed that they're all beyond a rudimentary level). The day is then capped of with a DIY Webcam class, just to make sure these whores are able to move into the 21st century.

So, there you have it. The web page mentions nothing about a diploma, but where would these prostitutes hang it anyway?

4 comments:

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PositiveMode said...

Contact with teeth results in at least a three-grade drop. Use of teeth on purpose would, of course, result in a failing grade.

NegativeMode said...

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Anonymous said...

I should teach here...